Reality

Yesterday I rode the Barb's Race course. Well, I rode the course plus an extra 15 miles because it doesn't start in the same place. So, yesterday I rode more than I ever have in my life: 71 miles. My bootie is somewhere in Healdsburg right now.

The ride wasn't too bad. Rollers and a nice hill at mile 46 to keep you "honest in your training" (quoted from the Vineman website). It was nice to see the course and know where the heck Guerneville is and now I can visualize race day. Visualizing that 13 mile run after 56 miles on the bike is still quite difficult.

One thing I am noticing is that some people have strong opinions on cyclists. These opinions aren't very favorable. On my long 71 mile (c'mon---I have to mention this HUGE accomplishment one more time, right?). I realized the struggle cyclists face when they ride. People are honking, annoyed and agitated at a procession of two-wheeled athletes sharing the road with them. I made the mistake of stopping outside Guerneville to ask a tasting room owner if I could use his restroom. He spent a good 10 minutes lecturing me on how he doesn't like non-customers to use his restroom, my shoes will ruin the floor, cyclists will find out his place is a rest stop and BOOM! his company is destroyed (wow! I sure have a lot of power!). Then he openly admitted that he is bitter about cyclists and was sued by one because his tractor hit a woman on her bike. Because my bladder was ready to burst, I didn't have time to think quickly, but maybe I should have suggested that he started riding so he can acquire some chip-on-shoulder-reducing endorphins.

As I type this, I must say, I am getting worked up as well. I guess I was naive and idealistic thinking the world would embrace me being active and doing my part to break the stereotype of "lazy Americans." This is not the case. There is a whole subset of people who see me on the road and it creates rage in them. They feel I shouldn't be there on THEIR roads.

whew...ok...let me find my center and not focus on the anger. I guess I am frustrated because I don't know how to fix this broken relationship between drivers and cyclist. Yeah, some cyclists are jerks just as some drivers are idiots.

But serioursly folks--this division needs to stop.
We need to figure out a way to co-exist safely and free of bitterness.
Any idea?

Crunch Time!

I am in serious withdrawal. I vowed to myself that after the Mermaid Triathlon on June 15^th I would NOT sign up for any more races until after Barb’s. I am jonesing right now to put on a bib and timing chip and go!

Luckily the Mermaid went well considering I was at the race at 5 am to volunteer, forgot my goggles AND my hat. I was 3 seconds away from finishing in the top 10 in my age group. 3 seconds!

I am starting to stress about the big race big time. Usually my stress dreams involve me finding out I need to go back to high school to take a class or seeing the school bus coming and not being able to get dressed. Last week I had a dream that I was trying to get to a race, but every 7-11 I went to was out of Gatorade and I arrived at the start as the last wave was getting in the water. Ugh.

I have a little over a month to go and my coach is ramping up my training hardcore. She sent me my calendar for the last two weeks in June and I started laughing when I read it. Seriously, this must be a joke. Then I remembered that I signed up for a half-ironman and training for it won’t magically happen with a little fairy dust.

In order to track my progress, I decided to start a training journal for this crazy workout regime.

Here it is so far:

6/18 Swim 2300 yards in morning; Run 44 minutes; speed work:

Swam at De Anza before work Went ok.

Ran at Rancho San Antonio after work. Was nice to be back on this trail. Hot as heck though. Legs still recovering from two weekends in a row of racing. Hard to sprint. Almost got stung by a bee when I took a drink from water fountain. Glad I put Journey on my Mp3.

6/19 Bike 1 hour 45 minutes moderate pace

Started at Lake Almaden Park after a meeting in South San Jose at 5. Annoyed at little kids in bathroom because I needed to change and they were hogging restroom doing who knows what. Super hot ride. Road down Almaden to Uvas road (25 miles round trip). Tooshie was tired on bike seat. Need more time on bike.

6/20 Morning: Swam 2500 yards; woke up at 6 to swim in my complex’s lap pool; super awesome to be only one in pool. Got bored and had a hard time counting 90+ laps. Ordered underwater Mp3 and lap counter from Amazon.

Evening: Ran 55 minutes with 6 1 minute sprints; hot, hotter mchottie! I was melting and thirsty. Note to self: running on El Camino sucks rocks.

6/21 Bike 3 hours 15 minutes; moderate pace. Drove down to Morgan Hill at 7:30. Biked Uvas to Hellyer to Santa Teresa. Bored by Santa Teresa’s flatness and wind. Decided to take Willow Springs road for kicks and giggles. Oops…pretty steep. Survived the hill and road past mansion where Junior prom was held. Felt pretty smug about being in better shape at 31 then at 17. Rode through downtown Morgan hill past high school to Cochrane and back to my car. 42 miles. Tooshie still hurts.

6/22 (Oh my gosh! Does this ever end?)

Swim 2600 yards (104 freakin’ laps); ran 1 hour 45 minutes immediately after swim. Swim was boring---Mp3 player please come soon! Legs felt wobbly after swimming. Almost got ran over by minivan who ran a stoplight. Swore a little. Ok…a lot. Worked at a health fair until 1:30. Played softball from 3:30-5:30. Had lots of energy from morning workout. Didn’t suck as much as I usually do at softball. Even caught a ball and went home twice!

6/23 Rest Day. Thank goodness. Baked 8 dozen cookies and a ladybug shaped cake for my Barb’s Race Fundraising. Wondered if 4 hours of baking counts as cross-training.

6/24 Biked an hour and a half with ( 7 )3 minute sprints. Chain fell off going up Mt. Eden. Luckily did not bite it. Finally felt strong on bike and tooshie did not hurt. Whoo hoo!

The rest of this week will be more of the same, finishing with riding the actual 56 mile bike course for Barb's as a training ride. Hope my tooshie can handle it.

that feeling of doubt...

"What the heck am I doing here?"



That is what is going through my mind every time I race. No matter how well I trained/ate/slept/caffeinated, this thought floats in through my subconcious.



I am sure if I met a version of my 20 year old self, I am sure she would say, "What the heck are you doing?" I couldn't even run a mile at 20. I couldn't even get out of bed before 10 on a weekend day, let alone get up at 5 a.m. to jump in a disgusting lake.



But here I am, completely addicted to the feeling of completing a race. After a race I feel euphoric, but before a race I feel nervous and--worse---inadequate.





As I waited by the shore at Almaden Lake at last week's triathlon, my insecurities rushed over me. Even though I have aquite a few events under my race belt, I still feel like an outsider. I am sure compared to the average joe out there, I am fairly athletic. But surrounded by all these amazing physical specimens kinda humbles a gal.



I blame the tri clothing. It is the most unflattering to normal 31 year-old bodies like mine. I am not kidding myself thinking I am a supermodel, but I wish I didn't feel quite so hideous sucked into all that spandex. I wear the tri bike shorts and a tight fitting top, and these pro's are surrounding me in in similar outfits and I think, " So that is what you are supposed to look like."



Don't get me started on the wetsuit. Once I manage to pull that thing on and shove my curls into a swim cap, I don't feel like an athlete. I feel like a condom.



Another thing that is humbling is being passed by people in older age groups. Whenever someone passes me I always check out the age bodymarked on their rippling calf. These 45 year-old women are rock stars and have amazing bodies. Why can't I be like them? Why is this starting to feel like middle school gym class all over again? Why can't I have a body that is jiggle free and have a nice bobbing ponytail when I run?

How did this happen? How did I get excited about signing up for a race, only to get to the running part and have a major case of the Jan Bradys ("Marcia, Marcia, Marcia")?

My coach asked me why the run is the toughest part for me, and perhaps it is some of these negative thoughts I am having. This is going to sound awful, but I am going to go ahead and say it: I feel like everyone watching me is wondering, "what the heck is she doing here? She's no athlete?"

As I type these words, I realize that THIS needs to stop. I need to stop berating myself for not being perfect. It is kinda rude for me to think these thoughts about my body, considering it has put up with a lot of races and training and hasn't protested once to my abuse.

So, at tomorrow's race day, I vow to not compare myself to the 12% body fat woman gliding past me or feel smug when I pass a 24 year old on my bike. I am going to swim, bike and run my way into positive thoughts and find my center and all that jazz . As I am running, I will think to myself, "Jill you are a triathlete. And that is pretty awesome."
And I will kick it into high gear when I see that finish line, so I can hear the cheers of the spectators. They love a strong finish.

And so do I.

San Jose Tri: a new PR!

The San Jose Triathlon held at Lake Almaden on Sunday was a pretty good race for me. I was hoping to improve my last Olympic time which was the LA triathlon in Sept 07. I did that race in 3:30. I did San Jose in 3:06. Whoo hoo---24 minute improvement! The most significant improvement of the race was my swim. I did LA in about 44 minutes and I did SJ in 29 minutes.

The swim was a nice smooth course and I only got kicked a few times (and I only kicked a few people on accident).

The bike went fairly well. I am trying to push myself harder, but I just need more time on the bike. There was a lovely long hill up Hellyer road, but luckily I have already gone up that hill on a training ride with Velo Girls.

The run is still where I fall apart. I did the 10k in 1:04, which seems slow considering the Uvas tri I did 5 miles in 48 minutes. I guess we will get to the root of this eventually.

Tonight I am treating myself to a post-race massage. I am pretty excited.

Next up is the Mermaid Triathlon in Fremont this Saturday. This is a smaller race, but my plan is to go hard and fast. This will be my last race until Barb's on August 2nd. After Mermaid, it will be time to kick up my training. Yikes.

The Season to Tri

Though I had my first triathlon of the year in March, I believe May definitely woke me up for the tri season. After a brutal half marathon in the beginning of the month, somehow I managed to do better than expected at Uvas.

First the learning experience of the race:
1) Pick up race packet the day before, NOT on race day. If you do race day pick-up, a chain of events unfolds ( see items 2-5).
2) Get to event early to park because you may have to wait in a long line for race day packet pick-up.
3) Make sure you have enough time to "go" before the race. You may not have time if you wait in line for race day packet pick-up.
4) Keep twisty ties and safety pins in transition bag, because race-day goodie bags may be missing them.
5) Give yourself plenty of time to get transition area organized.


The race was chaotic in the beginning. I waited in a line forever to get my packet and bib. The corral was unusual because instead of "first come, first serve", each participant was assigned a space, but there wasn't an organized system for figuring out where your spot was. Trying to find my space in a sea of 900 triathletes was quite stressful.

Once we started the race, it was smooth sailing. The swim went well. The bike ride went well, except for a brutal hill towards the end. The run sucked--which is to be expected. My legs still aren't used to the transition from biking to running. All in all, I was satisfied with my time.


Let's do a fun comparison. Here are my race results for the march triathlon:

total time: 2:17:34    swim (.45 mile):  18:33   bike(14 miles):   1:10:36  run (3.1 miles):     40:17  

Here are the Uvas Tri results from a few weeks ago:
total time: 2:18:34 Swim(3/4 mile) : 25:46 bike (16 miles) : 57:30 Run(5 miles) 48:21

The Uvas race was a bit longer than the Cal Poly one, and I was only 1 minute slower.

I think I am ready for the San Jose International Triathlon this Sunday. It will be my first Olympic distance this year, and it will be interesting to compare to LA triathlon's results from last year.

How Jillly got her groove back!

It is amazing how much one weekend can change a girl's attitude.

I started the month of May with the not-so-great Sacramento half-marathon and trying not to think of the Uvas Triathlon in mid-month. My last triathlon in March was an embarrassment, and I had a hard time visualizing myself at this next triathlon.

On a personal non-racing level, I was not looking forward to the month of May. It was turning into one of those times where everything explodes: not only was work becoming insane as I had to prepare for 3 huge events with a total of 450 people attending, but my husband and I also put an offer on our first house! The double stress and obligations put a small snag in my training plans and I was getting a little nervous about Uvas.

The day before Mother's day, I participated in the Human Race with a team from work. Part of me was thinking about registering for the 5k or 10k and running the race, but I decided that my spirit---and wallet---needed a break from competing. So, instead of competing, I did something I hadn't done in a looooong time: I walked a race! It was a great experience, because I was surrounded by people united for one reason: to bring awareness to stroke. Our team dedicated the race to a stroke survivor and her caregiver/husband. I believe this was their 7th year doing the race, and it was inspiring to see her get out of her wheelchair to walk across the start and finish lines. I know the stroke survivor's story and how far she has come to get herself to cross that line and it definitely puts things into perspective.

On Mother's Day, I was talking to my 10-year-old niece about running. My brother had mentioned that she likes to go for runs and I immediately decided that I wanted to do a race with her. I invited her to be my buddy for the Girls on the Run 5k , a race put on by a non-profit that works with teaming up mentors with young girls to help with self-esteem and learn about running. We ran to the computer and logged onto Active.com and my excitement started to build as we selected our t-shirt sizes. I couldn't wait to run a race with her---maybe now I could get a family member to do these events with me. So, who cares that the race is a day before Uvas!

My niece and I had a blast. I loved playing the role of Coach Aunt Jill and took her out for dinner the night before (carbo-loading at Pasta Pomodoro). We laid our race clothes out on the floor the night before and set the alarm for 6:00. I woke up right away, and let her sleep in a little. Since I am not a mom, I didn't quite take into consideration the preparation involved with a 10 year old. I was already nervous about parking and packet pick up, so I rushed us to the car. She said something about breakfast, and I told her we could grab something on the way. I didn't have enough time for a Starbucks stop, so I gave her some Luna Moons ("They are like candy for athletes" is what I told her). She ate some of them and we made it to the start line surrounded by 1200 athletes (3/4 of whom were under the age of 18). We ran through Vasona Park and were given beads at each mile. I told my niece that if she needed to walk, we would walk. I told her if her body is telling her something, she must listen to it. We stopped at water stops and I was amazed at how well she was doing. However, around 2 1/2 miles she said the infamous little kid words: "I don't feel so good." And I said the infamous adult words: "Are you going to throw up?"

I will spare you the rest of the story. I rubbed her back and asked if she wanted to walk or just go home. She said she would walk and finish the race. As we walked, I told her that now she is a real runner---even though she got sick, she still made the decision to finish the race.

The crowd cheered us on at mile three and soon we saw the finish line. I looked at her and said, "This is it. Let's go all out and finish this strong." We sprinted to the finish line and I was so excited to see that look in her eyes of determination and pushing herself to her limits. I recognized that look as I have had it before many times. She told me she had fun, but next time she needed breakfast. I smiled sheepishly and agreed while mentally I started thinking about all the races we could sign up for.

After I dropped her off, I thought about how amazing it is to be in an event like a run or triathlon. I have been surrounded by people who all have goals set just for themselves, be it completing their first 10k, running an ultra-marathon or finding the strength to get themselves out of a wheelchair to cross a start line. How awesome is it to be surrounded by people all determined to improve themselves?

As excitement poured through my body I knew one thing:

I was ready for Uvas the next day.

The risk we take...

At the beginning of this month, something happened that deep down I knew would eventually happen:

I didn't meet my goal.

I believe the risk of failing is one of the things we have to consider when we set goals for ourselves. My goal seemed simple enough: a sub 2 hour American River Parkway Half Marathon. I had completed a half marathon in late March at a little under a 2:03, so shaving off 3 minutes didn't seem that impossible.

I finished at 2:10:32. It was the first race I have ever done where the thought of ditching the race midpoint was tempting.

My time for the Silicon Valley half-marathon in October last year was 2:10:50. Not only did I fail at meeting my goal, I was only 20 seconds faster than I was 7 months ago. Let me remind you that this was before my crazy training.

As I crossed the finish line-- barely making eye contact with the clock that clearly showed my shortcomings---I felt the weight of defeat on my shoulders. Let's make one thing clear---I am not going out to win the gold, silver or even place in the top 10 of my age group. I run for a different reason, which is to beat one person: myself. I go in with the mentality of hoping to beat whatever time I did before, because that must mean I have improved. But what does it mean when 7 months go by (2 1/2 of which were fairly intense training) and I only improve 20 seconds?

The disappointment I felt in myself brought a thought that I tried to push aside: why bother working so hard if the payoff isn't there? This thought is what I call being in the dark place of running and teetering so close to the edge where drooling over running shoes doesn't seem as important as being a couch zombie zoning on reality TV. I feared that my tendency to not finish what I started would come back because I know my personality likes to take on things quickly but lacks the drive to follow them through.

Luckily I snapped out of being a whiny baby and just accepted the fact that some runners must face eventually: it just wasn't my race. This realization is a sort of sporty version of "He's just not that into you." There are a ton of excuses I could list ranging from unexpected muscle problems, the stress of getting lost on the freeway before the race, not having coffee...but making excuses won't make those 10 minutes and 32 seconds disappear from my time.

So what is a girl to do? I forced myself to adhere to the needlepoint wisdom of learning from my mistakes and acknowledging the positives. So I didn't beat my time, but it was the first half marathon where I didn't have tummy issues. Yea! I also had to remind myself that this wasn't even my big event. My big triathlon is in August so getting all worked up about this race isn't going to help me at the half-iron man. Now I just look at Sacramento as a tiny blip on my running radar. It was merely a training run that got me and my husband out of town for the
weekend for a much needed getaway.

I know someday I will be under two hours. Just not that race--- and that is still fine with me.