How Jillly got her groove back!

It is amazing how much one weekend can change a girl's attitude.

I started the month of May with the not-so-great Sacramento half-marathon and trying not to think of the Uvas Triathlon in mid-month. My last triathlon in March was an embarrassment, and I had a hard time visualizing myself at this next triathlon.

On a personal non-racing level, I was not looking forward to the month of May. It was turning into one of those times where everything explodes: not only was work becoming insane as I had to prepare for 3 huge events with a total of 450 people attending, but my husband and I also put an offer on our first house! The double stress and obligations put a small snag in my training plans and I was getting a little nervous about Uvas.

The day before Mother's day, I participated in the Human Race with a team from work. Part of me was thinking about registering for the 5k or 10k and running the race, but I decided that my spirit---and wallet---needed a break from competing. So, instead of competing, I did something I hadn't done in a looooong time: I walked a race! It was a great experience, because I was surrounded by people united for one reason: to bring awareness to stroke. Our team dedicated the race to a stroke survivor and her caregiver/husband. I believe this was their 7th year doing the race, and it was inspiring to see her get out of her wheelchair to walk across the start and finish lines. I know the stroke survivor's story and how far she has come to get herself to cross that line and it definitely puts things into perspective.

On Mother's Day, I was talking to my 10-year-old niece about running. My brother had mentioned that she likes to go for runs and I immediately decided that I wanted to do a race with her. I invited her to be my buddy for the Girls on the Run 5k , a race put on by a non-profit that works with teaming up mentors with young girls to help with self-esteem and learn about running. We ran to the computer and logged onto Active.com and my excitement started to build as we selected our t-shirt sizes. I couldn't wait to run a race with her---maybe now I could get a family member to do these events with me. So, who cares that the race is a day before Uvas!

My niece and I had a blast. I loved playing the role of Coach Aunt Jill and took her out for dinner the night before (carbo-loading at Pasta Pomodoro). We laid our race clothes out on the floor the night before and set the alarm for 6:00. I woke up right away, and let her sleep in a little. Since I am not a mom, I didn't quite take into consideration the preparation involved with a 10 year old. I was already nervous about parking and packet pick up, so I rushed us to the car. She said something about breakfast, and I told her we could grab something on the way. I didn't have enough time for a Starbucks stop, so I gave her some Luna Moons ("They are like candy for athletes" is what I told her). She ate some of them and we made it to the start line surrounded by 1200 athletes (3/4 of whom were under the age of 18). We ran through Vasona Park and were given beads at each mile. I told my niece that if she needed to walk, we would walk. I told her if her body is telling her something, she must listen to it. We stopped at water stops and I was amazed at how well she was doing. However, around 2 1/2 miles she said the infamous little kid words: "I don't feel so good." And I said the infamous adult words: "Are you going to throw up?"

I will spare you the rest of the story. I rubbed her back and asked if she wanted to walk or just go home. She said she would walk and finish the race. As we walked, I told her that now she is a real runner---even though she got sick, she still made the decision to finish the race.

The crowd cheered us on at mile three and soon we saw the finish line. I looked at her and said, "This is it. Let's go all out and finish this strong." We sprinted to the finish line and I was so excited to see that look in her eyes of determination and pushing herself to her limits. I recognized that look as I have had it before many times. She told me she had fun, but next time she needed breakfast. I smiled sheepishly and agreed while mentally I started thinking about all the races we could sign up for.

After I dropped her off, I thought about how amazing it is to be in an event like a run or triathlon. I have been surrounded by people who all have goals set just for themselves, be it completing their first 10k, running an ultra-marathon or finding the strength to get themselves out of a wheelchair to cross a start line. How awesome is it to be surrounded by people all determined to improve themselves?

As excitement poured through my body I knew one thing:

I was ready for Uvas the next day.

The risk we take...

At the beginning of this month, something happened that deep down I knew would eventually happen:

I didn't meet my goal.

I believe the risk of failing is one of the things we have to consider when we set goals for ourselves. My goal seemed simple enough: a sub 2 hour American River Parkway Half Marathon. I had completed a half marathon in late March at a little under a 2:03, so shaving off 3 minutes didn't seem that impossible.

I finished at 2:10:32. It was the first race I have ever done where the thought of ditching the race midpoint was tempting.

My time for the Silicon Valley half-marathon in October last year was 2:10:50. Not only did I fail at meeting my goal, I was only 20 seconds faster than I was 7 months ago. Let me remind you that this was before my crazy training.

As I crossed the finish line-- barely making eye contact with the clock that clearly showed my shortcomings---I felt the weight of defeat on my shoulders. Let's make one thing clear---I am not going out to win the gold, silver or even place in the top 10 of my age group. I run for a different reason, which is to beat one person: myself. I go in with the mentality of hoping to beat whatever time I did before, because that must mean I have improved. But what does it mean when 7 months go by (2 1/2 of which were fairly intense training) and I only improve 20 seconds?

The disappointment I felt in myself brought a thought that I tried to push aside: why bother working so hard if the payoff isn't there? This thought is what I call being in the dark place of running and teetering so close to the edge where drooling over running shoes doesn't seem as important as being a couch zombie zoning on reality TV. I feared that my tendency to not finish what I started would come back because I know my personality likes to take on things quickly but lacks the drive to follow them through.

Luckily I snapped out of being a whiny baby and just accepted the fact that some runners must face eventually: it just wasn't my race. This realization is a sort of sporty version of "He's just not that into you." There are a ton of excuses I could list ranging from unexpected muscle problems, the stress of getting lost on the freeway before the race, not having coffee...but making excuses won't make those 10 minutes and 32 seconds disappear from my time.

So what is a girl to do? I forced myself to adhere to the needlepoint wisdom of learning from my mistakes and acknowledging the positives. So I didn't beat my time, but it was the first half marathon where I didn't have tummy issues. Yea! I also had to remind myself that this wasn't even my big event. My big triathlon is in August so getting all worked up about this race isn't going to help me at the half-iron man. Now I just look at Sacramento as a tiny blip on my running radar. It was merely a training run that got me and my husband out of town for the
weekend for a much needed getaway.

I know someday I will be under two hours. Just not that race--- and that is still fine with me.