It is one thing for ME to doubt myself...

Now that the tri racing season is almost over, I have to think about what my next goal is. I talked to my coach yesterday about my frustrations of being a sucky cyclist. Her suggestion?

"I think you should take up mountain biking!"


After I stopped laughing in my head, I though: "uh---heck no."

I had no, I repeat, NO desire to ever get on a mountain bike. I watched the Exterra Tahoe triathlon on TV last year and watching the cyclists tear through single tracks made me almost yack. I am a bona fide klutz who knows her limitations.

But then my coach went on to tell me that on a mountain bike, you really have to trust yourself because if you stop trusting your body, then you go down. She reasoned that it would really improve my confidence on the bike.

"Would it?" I thought to myself.

And then the seed was planted...the same type of seed that made me sign up for Alcatraz. That seed is evil, I tell you.

But would we have room in our garage for ANOTHER bike? Then I started thinking about how much cuter mountain bike clothes are than road cycling. I was already envisioning myself all decked out in REI's fall fashions.

I let the idea marinate overnight and then I told Dennis.

"Heidi thinks if I pick up mountain biking it will make me a stronger cyclist."

His eyes kinda bugged out of his face, which I anticpated. That is the "Jill has one of her crazy ideas" faces. (I wonder if we are a Lucy and Ricky for the millennium).

He coughed, "Uh yeah....I am not sure about that....you will probably hurt yourself."

Oh.No.He.Did.Not.

It is one thing for ME to doubt myself, but when someone else doubts it---I just want to do it even more.

Later this morning, I sent him an e-mail:

"I hope you realize that you doubting I can mountain bike only eggs me on."

He wrote back:

"Ha ha...I already looked up some women's mountain bikes this morning."

I smiled at the words on my monitor.

Millenium Lucy loves her Ricky. He eventually comes around and is her biggest supporter.

What next?

So, it is over. 7 months (9 if you count when I registered for the race), 2 bike helmets, 2 pairs of shoes, 7 race swim caps, one bike crash and mild concussion and I finally finished my first half-ironman yesterday. How do I feel? In all honesty---relief, mixed with mild disappointment. I liken finishing the race to graduating high school. There was all of this preparation, anticipation, buying of special outfits but when it is all over, I just think two things:

“I could have done it better.”

And:

“What next?”

Except, the day after graduating high school I didn’t feel like I got hit by a bus.

Three weeks ago I signed up for Big Kahuna triathlon in Santa Cruz because I wanted closure from my bike crash and DNF from Barb’s Race. The problem was, I didn’t exactly train very well post-Barb’s. I was on the couch because my shoulder hurt for a couple weeks and then the idea of training more seemed…exhausting. I think I was just spent from training so hard in June and July and when August came with not finishing Barb’s it just seemed unappealing to train more. I was at my peak 5 weeks ago, and suddenly I just felt blah.

I came to the race in a totally uncharacteristic fashion. Usually racing is the one time I get a little type A---specifically triathlons. The multi-sports mean you have to have everything packed and ready to go for swimming, running and cycling. My biggest fear is that I am getting my transition ready and I pull out two left running shoes. If you know me well, you know this is a big possibility.

At the Kahuna, the only time I got mildly OCD was when I couldn’t find my helmet number. Other than that, I was pretty calm and collected. I only had two goals: not to bite it on the bike and to finish before they closed the race.

So, here are some key points to my race, from start to finish.

1) Jumping in the ocean at sunrise in Santa Cruz on a clear morning is very awesome.

2) Clawing through slimy seaweed, however, is not.

3) ¾ of the way through the swim I smacked a fellow swimmer on accident. Except when I looked up, I realized it was a seal.

4) Whoever designed the transition from swim to bike at this race is a cruel person. Running barefoot ½ mile on Santa Cruz sidewalks is not fun.

5) When you take time off from cycling---the crotch is the first to go. The bike ride was torturous and I felt so out of shape.

6) It felt like I was the last cyclist at the end of the bike portion. When I got to the transition zone, it seemed like all the bikes were there already.

7) The run was the first time in my 8 year racing history where I felt like I might puke.

8) Whoever decided to make the last ½ mile of the race end on the sand is super duper cruel.

9) Having to zig-zag through children playing on the beach may have even been tougher than the bike portion.

10) The best part of the race? Having Mermaid Coach Heidi as the announcer at the finish line. As I ran through the crowd she said on the loudspeaker: “There she is ---Jill! She trained since February and is finishing her first half-ironman!” Heidi, aside from my husband, as been a major supporter of me since February and it felt very fitting to have her close the journey she helped me begin.

11) 7 hours and 54 minutes or so (I can’t remember the exact time) is a heck of a long time to move my body.

So, it is over. I keep waiting for the sense of accomplishment to hit me, but I just think about bits and pieces of these past 7 months and try to put them together to make something whole. Yesterday was very humbling…I was in the very bottom portion of finishers. But, I was also relieved when I got off my bike in one piece and no flat tires. Yeah, it sucks to run a half marathon in 2 hours and 45 minutes when I did one in March in 2:02, but I also didn’t swim 1.2 or bike 56 miles before that race.

I remember going to a swim clinic in Santa Cruz last year with only one sprint triathlon under my belt. I saw these people pulling their wetsuits on and I asked them if they were there for the swim clinic.

“No,” one of them said. “We are training for Big Kahuna”

I was in awe. I knew that was something I could never do.

And you know what? Sometimes if feels pretty awesome to prove yourself wrong.