Greatest Hits

Yesterday I entertained my training group by telling a very embarrassing story regarding me, Foothill Expressway and my helmet. It made me realize that I have kind of A LOT of not so flattering stories involving me on a bike, in running shoes and possibly in the water. Some are athletic and some are not (i.e. riding a bike because I didn't have a car). So, in no particular order, I present you: "The Greatest Hits on Bike, Land and Water that Have Made me the Well Formed (klutz) Woman I Am Today." So enjoy, and if you totally bite it some time and are embarassed, refer back to this post and know someone bit it harder than you.

1) bike (recreational): While riding through University of Oregon's football stadium parking lot on the way to my apartment, I stopped looking in front of me for a minute. It was dark so I couldn't see things very well. For some reason I decided to look up and saw a rope used to divide parking spaces right in front of me. I slammed on my breaks, which didn't help with the bungee effect of my torso making contact with the rope and I fly off my wheels. Skinned knees: check. Bruised ego: check.

2) bike (recreational): same parking lot; I got off my bike to go through a gate and was face to face with this disgusting looking creature that is reminiscent of the Rodents Of Unusual Size from the Princess Bride (except the size of this dude wasn't very unusual). I slowly backed away from the hideous thing and he lunged toward me while making a warrior sound (o.k., I think it was just a small hiss) as his claw grazed my oh so stylin' Dickies overalls (cut me some slack---I was in college and my fashion sense wasn't quite fully formed yet---I promised my husband years ago that I will never wear overalls again). I screamed like someone attending the prom in Carrie right after she went all crazy telekinetic and jumped on my bike. Turns out the creature was the dreaded eco-system-destroying nutria that love to roam around marshy areas in Eugene and terrorize curly haired girls wearing overalls.
I still shudder at the thought of that claw.

3) bike (recreational): Let me preface this story by telling you that I was not a sporty kid. I wasn't even allowed to ride my bike past the end of my street, so as an adult I lacked coordination on two wheels. So, one time I rode through Eugene with some friends and we went up this hill. My friends in front of me got up of their seat to pedal up the hill. I thought, "Hey, that looks cool. I am going to try it." Next thing I know I am crumpled on the ground and my friends look back and freak out because they think the truck that stopped behind me hit me. Nah, just me being me.

4) Running: I am 10 and at sleepaway camp playing a very intense game of Capture the Flag. Even back then I had the habit of not looking in front of me while moving. So, while running for the flag, I made contact with a tree trunk that was waist level and spent the rest of camp with a huge bruise in a place where bruises NEVER should be.

5) Running: About 8 years ago I was running around my parents' neighborhood. There is a point where the sidewalk ends and you have to get off the curb and land on the street. It is early into my run and (warning: kinda gross) after 10 minutes of running I usually have to hock a loog.Because I am not the best athletic multi-tasker, I do the deed without realizing it is time to jump off the curb. See #3: "crumpled on ground."

6) biking (workout) While riding on Foothill Expressway two years ago (post-college cruiser but pre-rocking pink handlebar road bike), I noticed this male driver totally checking me out. He wasn't even trying to hide it as he cranked his neck to ogle. I rolled my eyes, wishing that a girl could just work out in peace. I turned into the left lane and we are both stopped at a light. The dude had the nerve to roll down his window to talk to me. What kind of tired pick up line is he going to use? I look over at him and he said "Your helmet is on backwards." Luckily my light turned green right after he spoke and I rode to a parking lot to flip my helmet around, totally embarassed because I was riding like that for TWO HOURS!

7) swimming: last year I went to an Open Water Swim Clinic in Santa Cruz. I had to rent a surfing wetsuit at a surf shack on the beach. The store dude helped me pick a size and I went to the restroom to grunt my way into the wetsuit. I looked in the mirror and thought, "I look ridiculous. Oh well." I went to the main part of the store and asked the store dude what he thought. He said while barely stifling a smile, "Well, it is on inside out. And backwards."

Are you noticing a theme here?

That is it for now. But don't worry, I am sure there are many more stories to come because as long as I am moving, I will surely be falling.