I am not here anymore...

You can find me here.

Today I Will Eat the Bee

The Morgan Hill Sprint Triathlon was this Sunday. I LOVE this event because it is practially in the backyard of where I grew up, is a beautiful course, AND really sets the tone of the beginning of triathlon season AND summer. Sunday's race was the 5th year I have done this event. I have done the full event, and also as a relay. I did Sunday as a relay and did the run portion.

Doing just the run of a triathlon is AMAZING. No bike to lug around. No wetsuit to squeeze yourself into. I showed up to the event with my running shoes and a starbucks drip coffee the size of my head. I was ready to go.

My other teammates dominated the bike and swim and I headed out to my run. The run is 5 miles, and I haven't ran that far since the San Diego 10k in February. Since I am all about the bike right now, I have decided to not stress about running. I decided not to wear my watch and just find my natural pace that was still challlenging. Part of me felt kind of funny passing people because, hello, I didn't bike or swim. My legs were fresh. Well, compared to people doing the full race.

The 5 miles felt good...challenging, but good. I checked my time when I got home.50:50. I would have liked to have been under a 10 minute pace, but I am very happy with this time. Out of curiosity I checked my run time on previous races of this course. This was the second fastest I have done this run (which includes doing relay AND full course). And then I looked at my time in 2008, when I was a triathlon junkie. Here are my results:

swim ( 0:25:46.1 ) t1 ( 0:04:17.0 ) bike ( 0:57:30.5 ) t2 ( 0:02:39.1 ) run ( 0:48:21.7 )

Ouch. I did that run in less than 10 minute pace AND I did the swim and bike.

Who the heck was that girl? Or rather, WHERE the heck did she go?

OK, so here comes the moment in any weekend warrior triahlete's life when she has to decide if this is the moment to reframe the past. One option is for me to beat myself up for not being strong like I was before. Then I can give myself permission to be all "whoa is me...I am lame...blah blah blah pity party time."

No.


That is not an option. There is no self growth in that pity party.

So I decided to step back and do something that we should all do from time to time.

Admire yourself.

I tore that triathlon up. That is awesome. Looking back it was a stressful time as well---we had a busy event filled month at work and hubby and I just put an offer on our first place. I was racing every week. I was on fire! I know this sounds all big headed though it's not tooting my own horn--- it's more looking at myself in an objective way.

2009, 2010, and 2011 I was not that person. And that's ok. I still did great things--Seattle to Portland, 3.6 mile swims, attacking a 1/2 ironman again.

This year I am in a different place. Trying to balance the intensity of my 2008 self with the realities of my 2009-2011 self. The real reality is, I did weigh less in 2008. So, I am back on track with the weight watchers --the last 3 weeks I fell off the wagon. But now I am back on track. Not sure if I will be my 2008 weight, but that is not the point. The point is I am working hard and focused. From now on with every big workout I wll tell myself, "Today I will eat the bee."

"Eating the Bee" is my new phrase inspired by Jens Voigt, an awesome cyclist with even awesomer catch phrases ("SHUT UP LEGS!"). He was riding a stage of the Tour of California last week and a bee landed on his lip. He decided to leave the bee alone and be peaceful. But then the bee stung him. So what did he do? He ATE the bee! Show that bee who is boss!

Yesterday I decided to eat the bee. Hubby and I did hill repeats at Mt. Eden.Of course, before we even started the ride I noticed my front tire was flat. Fine. Let's fix it and get on with life. I rode hard. That is the point of Hill Repeat Monday. For all 3 times I rode Mt. Eden I maintained  93% heart rate. Each time when I hit the top I nearly had a breakdown like this.

But I did it. I ate that bee.And hopefully it will make me a stronger rider.

What bee will YOU eat today.?

"She was going so slow downhill, it was like she was going uphill!"

A couple weeks ago I wrote that my bike and I are now in a committed relationship.

Well, after yesterday's Wine Country Century in Santa Rosa, one of us sleeping on the couch.

If we were in couple's therapy, a session might go something like this:

Me: It's just sooooo hard. Riding a bike is so hard.


Bike: If you just go to know me better, and were prepared it wouldn't be so hard. It's like you don't trust me going down the hill---you squeeze my brakes so hard. And your cadence is all over the place--pick a number already!


Me: Don't judge me!


Bike: And the swearing! Why must you swear so much when you go up a hill?


Therapist: Ok, great work today. Same time next week?

I love my bike. I really do. And yesterday was just a bad bad bad day.

One of the things I like about having a blog is I can refer back to it and reflect on past experiences. This is the first time in four years where I have fully committed to my training. Four years ago I was training for Barb's Race, which is two weeks after Death Ride. Out of curiosity I thought it would be interesting to see where I was in my training around the same time (roughly two months until Goal Event). Here is an excerpt of the post:

The risk we take...

At the beginning of this month, something happened that deep down I knew would eventually happen:

I didn't meet my goal.

I believe the risk of failing is one of the things we have to consider when we set goals for ourselves.

This was in reference to a half marathon I did, where I was really hoping to PR. I was training like I had never trained before. I had done a 1/2 marathon the month before in 2:02 and was determined to have a sub 2 hour marathon. And I didn't. And I was frustrated:

The disappointment I felt in myself brought a thought that I tried to push aside: why bother working so hard if the payoff isn't there? This thought is what I call being in the dark place of running and teetering so close to the edge where drooling over running shoes doesn't seem as important as being a couch zombie zoning on reality TV. I feared that my tendency to not finish what I started would come back because I know my personality likes to take on things quickly but lacks the drive to follow them through.

In the end I reminded myself this was not my BIG event. That it was all in prep for Barb's Race.

So, four years later I am in the same place. Sorta. Which is reassuring because it means I am working my body hard. This is the point where doubt and freaking out should happen because two months is  not that far off, though in training that 2 months can really make a difference.

Ok, so on to yesterday's century.

Wait..before I get to that, I have to explain the week I had.

So, last Saturday was my 100 mile ride, which I blogged about. I have kept my plan to ride every day. So, Monday I did hill repeats with my friend Lisa up Mt. Eden. It was awesome! I had never felt that strong going up that hill in the 8 years I have ridden up it! And my legs weren't screaming at me after the long ride on Saturday. So, Tuesday night was two mile test with my workout group. The first Tuesday of the month is always two mile test and I was not looking forward to it. my legs were NOT fresh. We did our warm ups and then Coach told me to go. I hit start on my watch and moved it to a screen that would not show my time. I did not want to obsess about it. So, I decided to just listen to my body---see what pace it wanted to go that was still a challenge. No music. No constantly checking my pace. It was just me, my legs, and the track, It was feeling good. With a half lap to go I decided to check my time.
"Holy (expletive!)" I whispered out loud.
It read 19 minutes!
Last month my time was 20:52. My first run test of the season in February was 22:47.

I sprinted my heart out. I wanted to be under 20 minutes. I did it in 19:35. I took 3 minutes off my time! I was shocked. And elated. I talked to coach about it and she said why should I be surprised, I have been working hard. yeah, I said, but my legs are just tired. I didn't know they had it in them. To which she said it is good to work out on tired legs, i can pull from this experience when I am doing Death Ride.

The next morning before work a friend and I rode Montebello. It felt great as well. I mean, it is still challenging for me to climb 1900 miles in 5 miles, but it wasn't as bad as before.

Thursday and Friday were both light recovery rides so I trainered while watching bad TV. Dennis and I decided to make a weekend away for my bike ride. I drove to Guerneville Friday afternoon (ugh 3 hour commute--yuck!) and he rode his motorcycle there. We went to dinner and then crashed. I woke up the next morning and met my friends at the ride start. I decided to do the 200k.

I ended up doing 80 miles.

The ride was beautiful. There was a challenging climb about 20 miles in. It was hard. And my quads were shot. This was not a good sign. I made it to the first rest stop, ate and drank and then headed out. The downhill was intense, we were headed to the coast and it was very twisty turny. There was a guy dressed in a grim reeper costume holding a sign that read: "slow."

So my hands became one with my brakes. I went slowwwwwww. So slow that one guy on the ride was actually talking about me. It was after the hill when we were on highway one, and he was talking to his buddy (didn't realize I was behind them) "did you see that girl? She was going so slow downhill it was like she was riding uphill."

Ouch.

I shouted, "THAT WAS ME!" but he didn't hear me.

The rest of the ride was very pretty but my body was just not having it. My hips hurt, but mostly my thighs were on fire. People kept whizzing past me. And then I had a big old pity party: I am a slow, crappy cyclist. I am not good at this. What the heck was I thinking signing up for death ride, I am not good at this. I don't deserve to be here.

Yeah. It got dark. At about 65 mile I decided to do the 100 mile route and took the cut off. Except, it turned out to be the cut off for the 35 mile route. I was beat up. And I was disappointed with myself for not doing the whole distance. Why was this ride so hard? What is going on?

I talked it over with Dennis (who reassured me that 80 miles is nothing to sneeze at). So, right now I am going to focus on numbers: heart rate and cadence. The big leg muscles are doing lots of work so those little muscles need to engage and my cadence should be faster. I need to think about my nutrition because all week long I was hungry and tired. So, the good news is I have consistent working out as part of my routine. Now is the part where I have to fine tune things.

My next event is the Sequoia Century. It is a very hilly 100k and I need to be ready for it. I WILL be ready for it.

Why can't 30 be enough?

The curse is broken.

I did an organized ride on Saturday and DID NOT SAG. Whoo hoo. I was 2 for 2 for 2012 (Cinderella and Tierra Bella respectively) on SAG rides so was unsure if this was the new norm.

The ride was the Folsom Powerhouse Century. I found it randomly online and did it with my friends whom I did the Seattle to Portland ride with. One of my friends lives in Sacramento so I decided to make it a weekend. It was nice to reunite the STP wolfpack.

We woke up at 4:45, ate some oatmeal and eggs and drove out to Folsom. Like most of the things I do--the ride didn't go totally as planned.

 It was a small event (I think they said 110 people were signed up for the 65 and 100 mile option, not sure how many did the 30 miler). The check-in was chill, which was a nice contrast to the crazy insanity of Cinderella. (Though I was lucky this was NOT a Sag ride because the cue sheets read, "call ted if you need SAG." As in: ONE. SAG. DRIVER. eek.) The route sheet was printed landscape format so I had to do a little origami to make it fit in my route sheet holder.

I have come to terms with something: my route sheet holder, crazy pink bike with silver handlebars, 3 water bottle cages, and bento box really make me a big old bike poser.

And I am totally cool with that.

So we head off and follow a woman starting the ride. We were on the American River Trail. We rode about a mile and thought it was strange there weren't arrows yet. We pulled over and checked the route sheet. yeah...we weren't supposed to get on the trail. Oopsie. We headed back. I tried to keep a positive attitude and thought, "yay! This means we are way more hardcore and are going to do 102 miles instead of  100!"

We finally got on the real route. I stayed with one of my friends (the other was fending off a cold and opted to do the 30) for about 7 miles and then we went our own pace (she is faster and when our wolf pack is in training mode we have a mutual agreement that it's ok to have different paces and we don't have to ride together the whole time.). At mile 12 there was a mini rest stop with water and a limited amount of refreshments. I filled up my water and ate one of the fig newtons I bought at the grocery store the night before. I bought the organic kind that are in bulk in bins, not really thinking that things go kinda stale in bins. I bit down on the newton and it was like eating wood. Eek! I grabbed an orange slice and brownie bite from the rest stop and headed out.

At this point I was riding for almost 90 mins (the getting lost part added to time on the bike). I looked down at the ground and saw written in chalk:

"30 mile turn around."

"Hmmmm," I thought to myself, "Why can't 30 be enough?"

I mean, seriously, a 30 mile bike ride is still a significant ride. Why couldn't that be enough for me, why do I sign up for these looooong events? I mean, I could have, like, a whole day to take care of stuff if I was cool with riding only  30 miles.

Hmmm...perhaps that is the reason why I do these long events so I don't have to the other things.Like clean my car out. Organize my kitchen drawers.

The next 20 miles were beautiful: rolling green hills, babbling brooks, empty roads. There was a slight climb for awhile (at this point I was by myself--the riders were very spread out). I made a left turn at a stop sign and I was flying! This side of the mountain was much steeper so it was a fast downhill. I hit the stop sign at the bottom of the hill. You could go right or left. However, something was missing.

Arrows.

Hmmm...well THAT could be a problem.

I studied the route sheet and wasn't quite sure where I missed the arrow. I turned around and started riding.

Oops. What goes down MUST come up. That fast hill I sped down meant it would be a grueling climb. I went a few hundred feet and noticed more riders flying down. Maybe I was originaly going the right way. When it was safe I headed back down and followed two other riders who made a right at the stop sign. I caught up to one of them and asked if they were doing the 100 mile or 65 mile option.

"Uh, we are just riding on our own. Is there a ride today?"

Um, eek?

One of the riders was wearing a Death ride jersey and was a local and was nice enough to tell me which way I need to go.

"Yeah," he said. "You have to turn left and go on Chili hill. Which means you'll have to go UP that hill."

"Hmmm," i said, "Well I am training for death ride, so it will probably be good for me."

"Yeah," he said, "You can't really skip the hill parts on the Death Ride."

So I headed back and saw a couple riders at the bottom of the hill scratching their heads (well, their helmets) examining their route sheet.

I asked if they were lost. They said yes. And then I said in a peppy cheerleader voice that was totally lacking sarcasm, "Follow me! We gotta go UP that hill. Whoo hoo!"

Maybe they slipped something in the water? No clue where that enthusiasm came from.

We chugged along up the hill. We found the place where we were supposed to turn and got back on the route. Then we climbed another hill. I ate some jelly bellies and drank some water and wondered what kind of delicious treats would be at the next rest stop.

I was about a couple miles from the rest stop and spotted my friend riding on the other side.

"Hey!" She said, "Turn around and ride with me."

"How was the food at the rest stop?" I asked.

"It didn't really have anything."

So I turned around and joined her. We shared our ride experience. She too had missed arrows. Thank goodness for route sheets. There were some riders stopped on the road confused by the route. Apparently the rode we were on was not on the route sheet but there were arrows on it. In a couple minutes suddenly there was a big group of us on the side of the rode trying to make heads or tails of this ride. We finally all agreed to just keep following the arrows and hoped they were for our ride.

At around mile 60 there was a water stop. Just water. No bathrooms. Actually only one of the "rest" stops had restrooms, which is a little unusual for a 100 mile ride. I tried to maintain my good attitude and thought to myself, "It's a small ride. It's for charity. It's hard work to organize events. I am not
 going to complain."

Then we hit a hill. A 3 mile hill. Whew! This is hard! I was definitely feeling all the training from the previous week and was getting a little tired. I wondered if anyone had ever fallen asleep on a bike before.

We FINALLY hit the downhill and followed the arrows (kinda dicey with sudden left turns with oncoming traffic. eek). We finally hit the rest stop and...well, it was a wee bit sad. I mean the trail mix was good, but where are the sandwiches? I think I was spoiled by the spread of some of the other events I have donw. And after 70 miles of riding, REAL food just tastes amazing.

We headed back out and stayed together for about 7 more miles and then the wind in my sails kinda died down and she got ahead of me. The last 10 miles were brutal. My body was hurting. I was getting hungry. At about mile 98 the route sheet said to go over a bridge and then turn left  (you go over a river). The road was very busy and I didn't see arrows nor the name of the street to turn on. I rode another two miles and didn't see ANY arrows.

That's when the grouchiness was finally released. I just wanted to be done and didn't know how to get to the finish. I pulled over and got directions off my phone, turned around and 15 minutes later I was finally at the finish. My friends and a few other people were there. I ate an incredibly delicious veggie cheese burger and felt relief. Relief to have real food, relief to finally do a 100 miler and relief to not SAG.

We headed back to my friends house and I had the best shower ever. It's funny how even the small things seem amazing when you beat your body up. We chilled out a little and a couple hours later headed out for sushi which was DELICIOUS. We were going to meet up with some of my friend's friends, but were ready to just chill in our jammies. We got dessert at the grocery store and netflixed Limitless. An hour into the movie I passed out. Not even Bradley Cooper's beautiful blue eyes could keep me awake. I slept hard that night.

I headed back home this morning and somehow convinced hubby to do a recovery ride with me. I was a little nervous about the pain of getting in the bike seat. About a mile in we hit a stop sign and I said, "BABE! My it doesn't hurt sitting."

"That's awesome," he said, "That means riding every day is working!"

So, even though it was a kind of loosey goosey event, it does feel nice to have the 100 miles under my belt and to not be in total pain the day after it.

The next challenge? Next weekend's Wine Country Century. Will be interesting to see what two 100 mile rides in a row feel like for me now.

In the meantime, I am gonna keep on keepin' on.

"Yeah! It is a hill!"

Bike! Bike! Bike!

I really feel like things are starting to come together. I know I have a challenging 2 1/2 months ahead of me, and Saturday my bike ride clicked. It felt like me and my bike weren't dating anymore.

We were now in a committed relationship.

The key to this breakthrough: Riding. Every. Day. The day after Tierra Bella I did a 30 minute recovery ride. Monday I did hill repeats---3 times up Mt. Eden. Tuesday I did brick workout with my mermaids. Wednesday 90 minute ride to mt Eden and back, and 1000 yard swim in the evening. Thursday morning was core torture and 30 minute easy ride. Friday was 35 minute easy ride.

And THEN Saturday.

For the first time ever, I climbed Montebello to the top. This is pretty challenging ride in that you climb 1900 feet in almost 4 miles. I went with my friend Lisa and we started at my place in Cupertino. We had a nice pace going and after about 35 minutes of riding we pulled over to eat and prep for the climb. I told Lisa that it's a pretty sharp right turn on Montebello road so make sure you are in a good gear to climb. I could see the turn coming and heard the Jaws theme in my head. I had no idea what this turn--heck WHAT THIS RIDE--would look like. I got in my granny gear and turned and BAM---I was going up the hill! There is a slight flat part after that first climb and then it's back to climbing. I was gaining on this woman riding up the hill.
"Hill." She said.
I smiled as I looked to the right, "Yeah! It is a hill!"

"No." She said desperately, "Is this Foothill?"

Uh oh. She is a wee bit lost.

"Uh, yeah. This is NOT foothill."

"Where is Foothill?"

Keep in mind that I am still climbing this long mother of a hill and she wants me to be all GPS?

My directions went like this (in a very out of breath voice).
"Turn...Around....stop sign. HUFF PUFF Go. Left. becomes...foot...hill."

And she was gone.

So we climbed. And climbed. And climbed. We stopped to drink. And climbed. There was a mean hill towards the end and then finally we saw the gate closing off the road. WE MADE IT!

And I felt good. Much better than last week's Tierra Bella climb.

We braced ourselves to go back down. I am not gonna lie, I was pretty nervous. I hadn't gone down this hill before and was not quite sure what to expect. I used my brakes a lot and made mental note to practice descents in the future. I saw Picchetti Winery and shouted, "Lisa we are almost there!" And sure enough, we hit the stop sign and continued on to climb Mt Eden. We turned around and rode back to Cupertino and had turkey sandwiches at Subway. Best. Sandwich. Ever.

I was on cloud nine the rest of the day. I climbed Montebello...a road that scared the you know what out of me. A road I never thought I would be strong enough to go up. And it was hard. I had that feeling of having nothing left in my muscles. There is something really scary to me about climbing a hill, giving it your all and not knowing if you can keep going. I was scared of the unknown, of what would happen if I pushed past that pain. And you know what happened?

I got to the top of the hill.

So, Sunday I woke up early, did a 1500 yard swim. Then headed to work to celebrate our amazing volunteers. I came back that afternoon for a 25 minute recovery spin. Hubby came home a day early today from his Grand Canyon motorcycle ride and I knew I needed to ride today AND spend time with him. So I hopped on the trainer and powered through a 40 minute interval ride. By the time I hit my third interval I was on fire. My husband looked over at me while I was pushing to a 93% heart rate. "Is that your interval face?" he asked.
"YESSS!" I growled.

I got off my bike and put on my running clothes. I told Hubby to meet me at our sushi place in 15 minutes. I decided to make it a brick day AND run to dinner date with hubby. My run felt AMAZING. I have no idea why, but I had energy and managed a fairly good pace.

Up next--more of the same and getting ready for a 100 miler in Folsom this Saturday. My weight loss is going slow---it's taking forever to get to the 20 pound mark. I haven't really focused on the Weight Watchers these past couple weeks. Now it's about the balance of ramping up my exercise and staying on plan. And I am trying to not focus too much on that dang number in the scale because I got myself up Montebello, and I am pretty proud of my body for doing that.

Tierra Bella Ride Report: the Good, the SAG, and the Ugly

Today was the Tierra Bella Bike Ride which starts in Gilroy. I had originally signed up for the 200k(!) and also gave myself the option of doing the 100 mile(!) route in case I wasn’t ready. My 2 weeks off from biking in March combined with the rain the last few weeks did not make me super duper ready for distance and hill climbing. I actually only did 50(!) miles, today and wound up taking SAG for the second time in 2 weeks. And I am way, way cool with it, because that 50 miles was a tough, tough ride. Well—the last 10 because there was 3,000 feet of climbing. So, I am not going to beat myself up about not finishing the distance because ironically I SAGGed twice this year, AND I still feel like my fitness is at a much better place than where it was 3 years ago. So, I present to you: Tierra Bella: the Good the SAG and the Ugly.

The Good: SUN! It was so nice that it didn’t rain today. And the rain from the past few weeks made the rolling South County hills an amazing shade of green. The first 20 miles felt really good. I even managed to ride 5 miles at the same pace as my super fast awesome friends Gina and Naama. I also saw my friend Molly out there (my super pink bike is tough to miss) and it is always great to run into people you know.

The SAG: So, at the rest stop at mile 50 I decided I was done and was going to take one of the SAG cars back (we will get to how I came to that decision soon). I have decided that SAG drivers are now my heroes! It is so awesome to have someone out on the road making sure that you are ok. And they are volunteers! Rock stars! There were 4 of us who needed to be taken back to the start. I sat in front between the driver and the person communicating on the radio with the other SAG drivers. It was…cuddly. I tried to engage my core and stay in place while we took sharp turns because I didn’t want to run into either of them. I have space issues. Well, it was a hilly, twisty, turny road and one of the passengers in the back was having motion sickness issues. Suddenly he said, “Um. Can you pull over when you can?” The driver said yes. And then in an urgent voice he said, “THE SOONER THE BETTER!”

But it was too late. The sound of muffled retching was coming from the backseat. I was thinking three things: “Oh my GAWD. This is HAPPENING!” and “Do not make eye contact.” And, “Oh my gosh, this is sooooo going in my blog.” The driver quickly pulled over and the poor guy got out to finish. Going forward, I think yacking in front of a bunch of strangers is now one of my biggest fears. We finally got back to the start, and the poor guy got sick AGAIN. Only this time he was in the parking lot on his hands and knees. Again, I just tried to not make eye contact.

THE UGLY: So, miles 40 – 50 of the ride are completely uphill. I had never ridden up this road before and didn’t know quite what to expect. It was continuous uphill, with a friendly flat section every once in awhile. I went to my easy gear and wound up dropped my chain. I spent a good 20 minutes trying to get it back on. I ate an energy bar, drank some Gatorade and continued on. I was a little flustered by the incident. And the hill kept going! At one point I looked around and the view was amazing, Lake Anderson was down below and the valley looked beautiful. And, I thought to myself, holy cow this is really high up!
It may have been the hardest bike ride I have ever done. I stopped about 5 times to collect myself, get my heart rate down and hydrate. I was grinding down on the pedals and I just felt like my tank was on empty. My legs were tired, and I tried to just concentrate on breathing. There may have been some swearing on my end. I had about ¼ mile until the rest stop and there was this sign that read “STEEP UPHILL.” I think I may have muttered “Uh, hell no!” I got off my bike and walked a couple hundred yards because, stick a fork in me, I was DONE! I hopped back on my bike and made it to the rest stop. Hurrah! The best part was I saw Gina and Naama (they got there way before me) and Gina looked at me and shouted “I am so proud you made it!” She said, “That was a hard climb!” I said, “I KNOW!” And then she gave me a hug and I started crying. I wasn’t sad or angry. It was just my body’s reaction to what I just put it through.

And so I decided making it all the way to Henry Coe park was a big enough deal for me to call it a day. My body was pretty fatigued and I did not think riding 10 miles downhill would be a very safe thing to do.

So, while I was fighting up that hill my mind did drift to Death Ride which is 3 months away. This ride was an eye opener in my training. It is definitely time for hill repeats and attacking local “big” hills in my area. And hopefully the whole me getting SAG is a short lived fad.

Big K Face

Never underestimate the power of endorphins.

Yesterday I was feeling kinda gloomy. The previous week I had an amazing training week. I did two interval bike trainer workouts (a necessary evil for my training), shaved over a minute off on my monthly 2 mile test with my workout group, did a 70 mile ride on Saturday followed by a recovery ride on Sunday. I rode Mt. Eden Sunday and timed myself as a benchmark for future rides. Then the gloomy weather returned and I had a rest day on Monday. I was pretty antsy on the rest day---I wanted to move! In theory, I could have exercised though I had my hair done that day and couldn't get it wet. (YES. SUCH. A. DIVA.)

I was also feeling anxious about this Saturday's ride, the Tierra Bella. I am trying to wrap my mind around riding 100 (and possible 130 miles) in a few days. Am I ready? Will I bonk? Are the hills crazy?

So, before my workout group met yesterday I decided to do a quick bike trainer ride. I opted to do an easy ride in case we had a crazy workout. I hopped on my bike and was in a silly mood and decided to take pictures of myself from my trainer. The picture above was sent to my coach and is what we nicknamed my Big K face since that was a look I had a few times when I really got into a workout while training for the Big Kahuna 1/2 Ironman. It's a look of fierceness and sometimes pain. It basically means "You are tearing this up! Grrrr!"

The only problem was I trainered at home and had to dig deep to get the motivation to leave hubby and my cute kitties to head to my workout which would be a 30 minute drive....and it was raining. I put my running clothes on and reluctantly headed out the door. Fortunately it was a mild drizzle and she had us do a 14 minute warmup. Then we did hill repeats 5 times. The first one was way hard and made my heart rate shoot straight up. Coach Heidi asked how I was doing (Big K face turned into" She May be in so much pain She is Giving Birth to Triplets" face) and I said it was hard. Then she said, "Maybe you should try breathing." Hmmmm....breathing...what a concept. So on the next sets I worked on breathing through my nose and exhaling through my mouth. It felt so unnatural.

We did some walking lunges and more running sets. It was strange though because I feel with each work out I am committing more and more to what I am doing. Yes, I am not the fastest, strongest, fill in the blank-est one there, but I WAS PRESENT. Staying present in as many workputs as I can is key in my training. We finished with crunches and I headed home. On the drive back it dawned on me: "I FEEL AMAAAAAAAZING!" The mix of working out and taking in the oxygen outside was an instant mood lifter.

Endorphins. Cheaper than therapy.

The Cinderella Games: A Ride Recap

Today I braved the horrendous forecasts of rain and wind and attempted the Cinderella bike ride in Pleasanton. I say "attempted" because I decided to SAG almost 40 miles in. But we will get to that in a bit.

On another note, I decided to drink the kool aid and finally read The Hunger Games. Totally hooked on book one, watched the movie, and now I am engrossed in book 2. So, of course Hunger games are constantly in the back of my head.

And seriously, as I was riding through the wind and the rain this morning I thought to myself, "This is kind of like the Hunger Games." Well except for the, you know, murdering of people. And people volunteered to do Cinderella. But, I went with this because any distraction from the blustering weather was welcome. So, even though I am not nearly as bad a$$ as Katniss, let's call me Jillness.

And I present to you: The Cinderella Games.

The Cinderella Bike Ride takes place ever year and women across the Bay Area await with baited breath for the green post card in the mail telling that they are allowed to register for The Cinderella Bike Ride. Unlike the Hunger Games, this is something people want to get into. People copy registration cards for their friends, sell last minute cancellations. Women who have never been on a bike want to try this ride out.

Jillness has had mixed feelings about the Cinderella games. She wasn't a strong rider in the past, but she loved any opportunity where she could wear a ladybug costume, or butterfly wings on a bike without judgement. Though she had done the ride for the past 3 out of 4 years, she was still traumatized by the wind (can we say 6 mph going downhill?) from the Cinderella challenge 2 years ago. A bunch of the women in her district (District Mermaid) were doing the Cinderella ride so she knew she would regret not doing it.

The morning of the Cinderella Games she put on her outfit. The black capris had an attached skirt that was pink with blue, green and yellow bubbles. The black jacket had accents of the same pink fabric. Jillness was very disorganized so of course she couldn't find her black leg warmers. She knew it would be cold so she wore her rainbow leg warmers, and her pink kitty socks. With her hot pink bike with silver handlebars and her loud outfit, she was channeling two childhood idols: JEM and Punky Brewster.

Jillness arrived at the arena (AKA Alameda County Fairgrounds) and immediately formed an alliance with other fellow District Mermaid people: Wilma, Naama, and Gina. They each had strength Jillness coveted. Naama had a very gentle smile while schooling you up a crazy hill. Gina was an Ironwoman and always thanked volunteers and greeted people with a friendly, "On your left, have a lovely ride ladies." Wilma had an infectious laugh and some seriously fast cadence. Jillness knew her own strength: she could distract fellow riders with her strange outfits and wayyyyyyyyyyyyyy pink bike. I mean, we are talking PINK.

Unlike the hunger games, there isn't a formal start to the Cinderella. People just kinda start when they want. The riding in the beginning was stressful as clumps of riders tried to figure out how to ride single file. Some riders were naughty and did not obey the rules of group riding and Jillness would say (in a passive aggressive way), "Careful Wilma, someone is passing you ON YOUR RIGHT."

The point where jillness realized this was like the Hunger games was around mile 8. The newbie riders started getting crazy. All of the sudden someone stopped their bike. In the middle of the freakin road! "WHHAAAA" shouted Jillness and she saw Gina maneuver a bike around the stopped rider. She thought Gina was safe until she saw a cyclist make a u-turn(!) and almost plow into her sweet friend. Gina's quick reflexes ensured everyone was safe. Jillness was not as polite as Gina and shouted out, "WHAT THE HECK IS GOING ON?!!!!"

They got back into their groove of riding and stopped to hydrate and eat. They knew that they had to stay hydrated to be successful at the Cinderella Games. At mile 18 they felt the pelting rain coming from the dark silver clouds. This was it. The Gamemakes were having fun with them now. They pedaled up a small climb and almost were knocked over by the wind. The rain came down in buckets. Jillness felt her stomach grumble and knew the two fig newtons from an hour ago were not enough. Fortunately, the cornucopia lunch stop was coming up. They made it to the rest stop and Jillness made a sandwich, ate an oreo (thank goodness for activity points) and went to the beverage station to hydrate. A kind volunteer was handing out small bags of m&ms. Jillness was warmed by his dedication to volunteer even in such crummy weather, and also dealing with all these riders complaining about the rain and cold (HELLO PEOPLE! IT SAID RAIN IN THE FORECAST! WE KNEW WHAT WE WERE GETTING INTO...but I digress). the volunteer handed Jillness the candy and she said, "Thank you so much." He said, "Thanks for the smile." Under ordinary circumstances, a cheesy line like this would make Jillness recoil in horror, but she had a feeling dealing with the grouchy ladies all morning he probably didn't get a lot of smiles.

Jillness and her alliance huddled together for warmth and ate their lunch. Jillness was in heaven eating her sourdough turkey and cheese sandwich (she has avoided refined white sugar since starting the weight watchers, but darn that refined white sugar tastes deelish).

They headed back out. At this point they were at mile 32. 34 more to go. The rain started up again, and then the wind. At one point Jillness didn't even think her bike could go further. And then she felt it.

Or rather didn't feel...her feet.

Her socks were soaked. Her feet felt numb. She wasn't able to keep up with her alliance. She knew that 2 1/2 hours more of riding with numb feet would not be pleasant (and possibly hypothermic) and she needed to be healthy since her work was putting on an Easter Egg hunt the following day. At mile 38ish (remember, Jillness is disorganized and thus forgot to charge her garmin so she is estimating now) her alliance stopped. Gina looked at her with concern. "How you doing?"
"My feet are cold!" she whined.
Jillness and Gina both agreed it would be best to take SAG back. Jillness didn't want to hold the group back and, also wanted a nice hot shower and to be done with the misery. The group started riding and after a mile flagged down a SAG truck and Jillness waved goodbye to her strong kick a$$ friends from District Mermaid. She got in the truck, was thankful for the ride, and headed back to the arena. It was time to go home.

Ok Ok...I realize I am a supreme dork for writing this. But seriously, it was a pretty fun day even though Mother nature went all crazy on us. I am so thankful for such good friends. We supported each other during the ride, and there wasn't judgement from them that I decided to quit. Most importantly, I didn't judge myself (gawd---could this BE any more "One to grow on"?). It's not worth beating myself up for not finishing. And I feel genuine happiness--not envy---that my amazing buddies finished this beast!

But next time I will make sure I wear rain pants and better shoe covers to stay dry!

Up next: two weeks of major, major bike time to prep for Tierra Bella 200k on April 14! Can't wait! It is great to be back on the bike!

"A" is for Attitude

I posted this on my Facebook last week:

"There is one thing in life you have absolute control over: Your attitude." Joyce Schafer

And I am making it my official mantra.

And you know what I have discovered about attitudes? Having a bad attitude is kind of like taking the easy way out. It's super easy to be bummed about work, family, personal goals, weight, appearance. I have found when I have a bad attitude I am almost giving myself permission to give up. I can have a bad attitude about not ever being a size 2, and then give myself permission to eat a (box) cookie.

Having a good attitude does take work. Like right now I am looking outside waiting for the rain. If it rains, that means I can't workout with my team. In the past I would get frustrated because I want to know what I will be doing workout wise. Now, I have a plan B. I will hop on the bike trainer. I will work out. It will happen.

Or how about not being able to work out for two weeks because of the stitches? So, I gained 3/4 of a pound. Eh, life happens. And sure enough I was back to running last week and lost that 3/4. Sure it wasn't an epic big loser loss, but I still feel GOOD.

So, it's really about reframing things. And let me tell you---it feels fantastic! It feels authentic. I feel like I am consistently in a good mood. The past year has had some ups and downs in hubby's and my life, and these are things we cannot control. And having this good attitude has made me really appreciate him and our relationship. Because the truth is, sh** happens. Not everyone is going to like me or be happy with me, or agree with my decisions. Not every race will be an A race. There will be disappointment. I can't control this. I CAN control my attitude.

I hope this hasn't made you yack on your laptop. I am hardly a saint and a bad attitude pops up every (day) once in awhile when some idiot driver does something idiotic. Or someone is crowding me in line at Whole Foods. Or when bachelor ben chose Courtney.

So, I am prepping myself for Cinderella bike ride this weekend. Sure I haven't ridden much in the past 3 weeks. Sure it may be storm-ageddon. But, as Seattle to Portland has taught me, I CAN suffer on a bike. Plus, I have a bunch of friends doing the ride AND I think pink bike will get TONS of props on the ride.

In Other News...

The stitches came out Tuesday. I asked my doctor if I can work out.

He said in a gruff voice, "NO. NOT FOR A WEEK."

And I swear I heard my stomach grumble with hunger.

The night before I had my first weight watchers meeting in two weeks and guess what---a 5 pound loss! The grand total in Less Jill Up the Hill? 14.8!

Yesterday I scanned my closet and took out a pair of Ann Taylor capris bought online a year ago in a denial shopping moment. What is a denial shopping moment? It is when you buy clothes in a size you once were and haven't quite come to terms with the fact you aren't that size any longer, When the pants arrived, I could barely button them and could definitely not zip up.

And yesterday? They zipped up! I squealed with amazement. You gotta love shopping in your closet. I do have a ways to go still, but it is fun to have concrete non-number-on-the-scale results. I am wearing another pair of Ann Taylor denial pants today and they are a wee bit snug--especially sitting. Luckily I have a loose fitting top on to conceal muffin-toppedness (probably not a word). I asked Hubby about these pants today and he let out a disinterested morning sigh, "Meh. Those are fine."

For some reason, he doesn't get fired up discussing black pants. Go figure.

So anyways, trying not to panic about the no exercise thing. It's only two weeks. I will have to push myself more when I am back to training to make up for lost time. And it is a little frustrating not getting activity points, but again, IT'S JUST TWO WEEKS.

"I Don't Want to be THAT Girl."

Not quite sure how to start this post...

How about:
"I need a vacation from my vacation."
or:

"Look before you Leap."

The story begins about a year ago when some friends and I swam around the wharf in Santa Cruz. This was a particularly memorable swim because it was the first time I almost had a panic attack in the water. The combination of the cold water, constriction of the wetsuit, and my fear of sharkies took over my breathing. I was just around the wharf and could not catch my breath. The shore looked so far away. My friends helped me out tremendously and told me to relax and that everything was going to be fine. From that swim on anytime I was in the ocean in a wetsuit I had this unsettling feeling that a panic attack was ready to bubble to the surface.

The crazy thing is---I LOVE the ocean. Hubby and I did two tropical vacations last year and he nicknamed me "Labrador" because I kept wanting to jump in the water--particularly on our trip to Maui last year. I loved the warm water, seeing the fish under me, and NOT wearing a wetsuit. For some reason I can't get that feeling swimming in the ocean here.

So, of course I was super excited to go on another Maui trip this year. The plan was to spend 3 days on the Makena/Wailea side with my good friend Diane and then head over to the Kaanapali side for 3 days and stay with my parents. For the past month Diane and I were going crazy with anticipation on this trip. We left last Friday.

I knew I wanted this to be an active trip. Swim, bike, run...maybe some core? So, I rented a Specialized bike for the week. Friday late afternoon after we checked into our hotel we went to the beach and splashed around. Makena Beach is awesome and not as congested as the other side of the island. We woke up super early Saturday morning. Poor Diane got to see my not-so-sunny morning disposition. I kept getting woken up by her phone getting emails (BING! BING!). I looked over at the window and it was pitch black. I had no idea what time it was and was super grouchy. (Hubby can attest to my b**y morning mood). Her phone BINGed again and I looked over at her in her bed and said:
"THAT needs to be turned DOWN."

Not my best moment.

I then rolled over looked at the clock and saw that it was 5:55 am. Hmmm...might as well wake up. I got up made some coffee and cheerfully asked Diane, "Cream and sugar?"
She gave me a "WTH?" look and was confused by the switch from grouch to ms. mary sunshine.

I said in a sing song voice, "Get up and let's go run!"

Another "WTH" face from Diane.

We put on our running clothes and stopped by the front desk to find a running route. We decided to run down the road to Big Beach. It was a little over a mile there, mostly running on the road.

We found the entrance to Big Beach and met an interesting hippie boy who had his camper set up in the parking lot. There were some roosters in the parking lot and he said they were his pets.

Okay...

We headed to the beach. The sun was rising and the water looked amazing. I said, "Let's jump in!" Diane, who was only used to "fear of ocean Jill", was confused. But we took off our running shoes and jumped in. The water was brisk and amazing! We stared at the ocean in front of us amazed by the beauty of everything. And then we saw it.

Way in the distance a whale breached. It was amazing. We kept scanning the ocean to find it. It was our first full day in Maui and we already saw a whale!

We ran back to the hotel and put our swimsuits on under our clothes and headed to breakfast. It was awesome that we had a buffet breakfast included in our hotel and the breakfast had an assortment of great foods. I had fresh fruit, srambled eggs and yogurt everyday. I wasn't sure if I would log weight watchers on my trip and knew that making sensible choices was key. And staying active.

After breakfast we headed to the beach at our hotel. We sunscreened up and I put on my cap and goggles. We wanted to get an open water swim in. I told Diane, "We will swim along the beach, right?"
She looked at the ocean and said, "Let's swim to that buoy."

The buoy looked way far away.

"WHAT?" I said, "No, we agreed we would swim along the shore." It looked way scary going that far out with just the two of us. She asked one of the employees how far the buoy was and he said a 1/4 mile. We jumped in and Diane said, "Come on. Let's go. You need to get over your fear."

I took a deep breath and started swimming. I could feel the nerves in my stomach. I tried to keep my cool. A boat stopped near the buoy and we realized it was a snokreling excursion. It calmed me down knowing there were other people in the water. We made it to the buoy and swam a little more. We started swimming south and I showed Diane how many sommersaults in a row I could do in the water. We heard a loud blowing noise and both said, "what the heck?" We looked over at where it came from and saw a boat where we were just swimming. Oh, we thought to ourselves, it was just the boat.

And then this HUGE whale came out of the water. WHERE WE WERE JUST SWIMMING.

We both screamed (her with delight, me with a little fear). I was gradually treading myself back toward shore and we watched the whale swim past us. Another one popped up with it.

It was...INCREDIBLE.

We went back to shore and 3 people approached us asking us if we were the people swimming with the whale. From shore it must have looked like the whale was 10 feet from us.

We totally felt like a big deal for the rest of the day.

After the swim I put my bike clothes on so I could take a quick spin on the bike and get used to it. I rode to Kihei. It was so nice riding in the sun again. I passed a restaurant recommended to us by the hotel staff and made note of its location. I looked at my watch and decided it would be a good time to turn around. I stopped at a Hawaiian Ice stand and had a delicious Lychee Ice. So refreshing! The specialized was a great ride and it was fun to do a jumbled up triathlon that day. Ran 2 1/2 miles, swam 45 minutes, ride 12 miles. Whoo hoo!

We had a delicious dinner at Cafe Au Lei in Kihei. Diane got an email from an open water swim group we had found online that meets Sunday mornings at the hotel we were staying at. At that point we weren't sure if we were going to join them. We didn't know where they swam, what their pace was. The next morning after breakfast we decided we would join them. We scanned the beach trying to find the group and then saw a bunch of people putting swim caps on. We made our way over to them. Diane looked at me and said, "Do they have fins?"

I looked closer. "yeah, they all have fins. That's weird."

So we swam with the group and we were the only two fools that didn't have fins on. The leader of the group said there are different options to swim too. We went out toward the buoy and then swam along the shore south. Diane just bought an underwater camera and we played around taking underwater shots. We saw fishies and turtles. A nice woman swam with us since everyone else was way ahead (again---I blame the lack of fins). One guy said, "Brrr it's so cold." We laughed and said the water was amazing. They were way impressed that we swam in the Bay Area. Well, DIANE swims in the Bay Area.

We hit the turn around spot and someone (with FINS) said, "Wow, you guys made it here." Uh, yeah, because we are ROCK STARS. Then we heard the faster group saw a shark.

Uh, SAY WHAT?

Ever since I saw Jaws when I was 22 I have a major fear of sharks. Stupid Steven Spielberg.

"Oh yeah, " a woman said as we were treading water, "There is one shark we see around here. We call him Bruce."

Diane looked at me. I took a deep breath.

"Bruce, wow." I said.

Ok, time to head back. I did not want a formal introduction to Bruce.

The swim back was tough and the current was really choppy. We finally made it back to shore.

We were swimming for about 2 hours and were pooped. It was awesome though to feel strong to do a long swim so early in the season.

We plopped into our beach chairs and passed out on the beach. We totally earned the cabana massages we booked for that afternoon!

Another delicious dinner and we passed out watching Celebrity Apprentice. An alarm sound woke us up and we realized it was the 10 o'clock news and they were running emergency broadcasts on flash flood warnings on Oahu.

We woke up the next morning ready to start the next part of the trip. Our bags were packed. Diane was doing a whale watching kayak tour and I was riding my bike 35 miles to the condo my parents were staying at in Kaanapali. Diane was staying in the same condo complex and would drive the luggage up. I was a little nervous riding by myself mainly because it was unfamiliar rodes. We ate our last yummy breakfast at the hotel and I headed out on my bike. The first 20 miles were amazing. I was smiling the whole time looking at the amazing ocean to the left of me.

And then the rain started. And it POURED. I was laughing at myself riding my bike in Maui totally soaked. I had packed a swimsuit and coverup in the backpocket of my jersey to wear when I got there and they were soaked. I made it to my parents condo and was a dirty soggy mess. The ride was great though. It was an AMAZING way to see the island.

My parents and I went to lunch and then Diane texted me to let her know she made it to her condo. The four of us headed to Napili Point which is my parents favorite place to snorkel.

The water was too choppy to snorkel and Diane and I played in the water a little. Another great Maui day.

Tuesday morning I headed to Diane's (OCEAN FRONT!) condo for some coffee and we drove over to Whalers village for a run. We ran two miles and did some core. The water was very choppy and the red flags were up. We saw surfers and then saw an arm come out of the water.

"Is that a swimmer?' I asked Diane.

It was. Whoa. We both remarked upon his stroke and said he was a good swimmer. You could tell he was working hard in that choppy water. We chatted with him when he got out and he said it was a challenging swim. And he was a way experienced swimmer.

Now, dear reader, in the literary world they would call this foreshadowing.

After breakfast at my parents condo Diane and I decided to drive around to find beaches to swim in. We went up to Honolua Bay. It is a great snorkeling area but is a little tough to get in because of the rocks. The water was choppy and no one was getting in. We decided to head back to Napili.

Ok, so I want to put a warning out to you if you are reading this. If you have open water fears, you may not want to read further...or maybe you should.

So, we went to napili. The red flags were up (which basically means, "this water is dangerous, don't be an idiot and get in."). I put my goggles on and jumped in.

Oh, wait, I forgot to mention the conversation Diane and I had earlier that morning. She, having way more knowledge of ocean, currents, etc (she swam alcatraz 4 times last year. rock star.) was also wrapping her mind around this new open water loving Jill. She said, 'If you get caught up in the current I won't save you because then we will both be caught up. I don't think I am strong enough for that." I laughed it off. "What makes you think I am the one needing saving?" She said, "Because you have just been jumping in the water without abandon." I rolled my eyes thinking, "Whatever."

Again. Foreshadowing.

So, back to Napili. I jumped in the water and Diane was still on shore. She said she wasn't going in. Fine, I will just splash around. I did a few strokes out and swam around. I looked up and saw Diane on the shore looking at me. I splashed around more and decided to head back. The shore seemed close enough. I did a couple strokes. Hmmm...not really moving anywhere. Did more strokes. This is interesting. How come this is taking so long?

And then time stopped.

I kept swimming and swimming and it just seemed hard. The waves were strong and would take me towards shore and then suck me back in. It still didn't hit me what was going on until I looked at the shore and saw people lining up watching me. It felt like 40 people were watching me. Someone on a megaphone was yelling at me to swim along the shoreline. I tried doing that. Not quite working. Then they started running the other way to a rocky area north of me. They told me to swim to the rocks. I swam towards the rocks thinking at this point they would get me out. A hotel employee threw a lifesaver at me. I was bouncing around near the rocks at this point and said, "Can't I get out?" There were so many people staring at me. I saw Diane and the look of worry on her face and felt horrible for making her worry. They told me it was too dangerous at the rocks and I had to swim back out.

Um, Say what? I have to go back OUT there?

The current took me out and I carefully moved my body around so my head and back wouldn't hit the rocks.

My legs hit the rocks. Ouch.

At this point I was out in the ocean with my arm wrapped around the lifesaver. I looked out at the shore and the rocks. So many people watching me (did I mention when I was at the rocks I saw someone from above filming me on their iphone? Nice.). My only thought at that point was, 'I don't want to be THAT girl. That stupid tourist who swam when it was dangerous." In the back of my head I knew this was serious. I also knew what it felt like to have panic attacks in the water and I knew that if that happened, I could be a gonner. So, I just concentrated on staying calm. Just keep swimming. It was frustrating to put my everything in my stroke and to literally stay in the same place. I kept looking at the shore and thinking:

"No. Not today."

Then I heard sirens and thought to myself, "Hmmmm...I hope that is for me."

Then out of nowhere a Jet Ski came to me. He told me to climb on and he took me to shore. I was so thankful at that point. He dropped me off close to shore and I made my way to the sand. Apparently he left me there so he could go pick up the two lifeguards who went out to save me. The EMTs checked me out. I finally found Diane and she had a look that was a mix of "THANK GOD and I AM SO (EXPLETIVE) PISSED AT YOU." (I rarely use salty language in this blog and figured this is a time that merits it.)

They took my vitals. And said my heart rate was a little high (duh, I was kinda swimming a lot). Then they saw the blood on my ankle. they cleaned it up and asked me to stand up.

"Oh yeah, she has a big cut there."

"On my BUTT?" I said, "IS MY BUTT CUT UP?"

The emt and lifeguards surrounded me to look at the owie. This must be my punishment for swimming in the red flags. 4 cute 20-something lifeguards and emts inspecting my bloody butt. Great.

They put bandages on me and said it would be best to get checked out by a doctor.

I was still in shock on the drive over. I aplogized profusely to Diane and called my coach and sister. A knot formed in my stomach since I knew I would have to tell my parents.

We went to a doctor's office at Whalers Village and coped by making jokes. "Text Heather and ask how many weight watchers activity points are in almost drowning." The nurse took me to a room and I saw a scale, "Well, this is good since I missed my weigh in at Weight Watchers yesterday."

Long story short: 6 stitches on my bootie. Diane and I walked over to a restaurant and we ordered happy hour drinks. Lots of them. I started crying in my mangotini. It felt surreal what happened. It still feels surreal.

At this point it was pouring and we walked around the shops in whalers village. I popped into this cute boutique and a spacy storegirl asked how I was. I said,"GLAD TO BE ALIVE." and then I gave her a short version of the adventure. "WOWWWW," she said and she stared at me. I thought she was taking in the story, that I was fighting for my life. And then she said, "Are your eyes two different colors?"

Wait...what?

"Uh, yeah, "I said.

"Oh my GAWD, " she squealed. "I ALWAYS WANTED MY EYES TO BE TWO DIFFERENT COLORS."

Right. I gave Diane a look that said, "Let's get the hell out of here."

We headed back to my parents condo and we broke the news to them. It was so great to be with them and I cried a couple more times that night. I called Hubby and told him the story. He was pretty calm and said, "Well, we both do crazy things sometimes." I think he was trying to downplay it so I wouldn't go crazy and say "You are NOT riding your motorcycle to Alaska in June!"

So, I am back in the Bay Area. The bruises have started popping up now and the whole "I feel like I got hit by a bus" feeling now makes sense.

I did learn a couple things:
1) DON'T SWIM WHEN RED FLAGS ARE UP.
2) Don't Panic.
3) What I did was selfish. I jumped in without thinking. There was a whole beach of people (including one of my good friends) who was worried sick about my safety. And it was all because I wanted a little splish splash time.
4) DON'T be scared of sharks. Be wary of the tide. Be respectful of the ocean. She is powerful and amazing and much stronger than you.
5) Have faith in the stregth of not only your body but also your mind. Fortunately, knowing how to swim worked in my favor. But not PANICKING saved me as well.
6) Be thankful for those who saved you. My friend Diane insisted that they get help for me. She is amazing. That jet ski was probably the best thing I had ever seen.
and finally
7) DON'T SWIM WHEN THE *&%#@ing RED FLAGS ARE UP!

Triathlons are kinda hard...

Right?

It's funny...no matter what distance of a triathlon or if its a new one or a course I have done billions of times, I always block out that it's kind of a tough sport.

On Sunday I did a super mini-triathlon which was a 400 yard swim, 6 miles on a stationary bike, and a 1.5 mile run. Easy peezy lemon squeezy, right?

Right?

Um, wrong. So wrong.

Swimming THEN biking THEN runnning is just not a natural thing to do. It just isn't.

Which is probably why it is so dang addictive.

So, I signed up for this race with my buddy Diane as kind of a "hey this could be fun and cake, right?" Nevermind that I rode 41 miles the day before. Or that I had only swam 2 times so far in 2012. And I had a slow 10k a couple weeks ago.

The swim part was ok. It was weird doing a race in a pool because I was having flashbacks to being on the swim team as a kid and being the slowest in the pool. I wish I could tell you that this underdog perseveared and schooled the other swimmers, but nope. I am still on the slower side of the swim spectrum.

The bike was ok. Well, actually it wasn't. Of course, I have been (or rather I have FELT like) riding tons this year so I was totally thinking I would dominate the bike. Doing a tri on a stationary bike is...kind of boring...Oh, and a couple minutes in I realized my seat was dropping. I got off my bike, raised it and tried it again. A couple minutes later it happened again...and again...the race officials tried to help, but it was just not happening. It was so frustrating. I had to fix it SEVEN times. And then the photographer came to take pictures of us on our bikes and I told him, "That one DOES NOT go on facebook." That angle encased in triathlon clothes...it is not the greatest.

The run was...ok. Going from bike to run always seems to be a shocker. And my legs were a little fatigued from the ride the day before. Oh, and I was still flustered from bike malfunction.

The take home lesson of the event: tris are hard. So, I have resolved to only do ONE tri before Death Ride. I need to focus on the bike, and I do think that even the small tris are a little disruptive to my training. Also, there is an element of stress involved (race logisitics, parking, bib numbers, nutrition, transition set up), which probably isn't worth it because I have a feeling that in 2 months I may start getting a little loco from Death Ride anticipation.

LESS JILL UP THE HILL UPDATE: down .8 pounds to a grand total of 9.2. Seems small compared to last week's 2.4, but at least it is in the right direction. Oh, and take home lesson is don't have Hot Pot the day before weigh in as there may be some major water retention.

Ouchies, nutrition, core and other "aha" moments...

The picture of my cat, Lily, on the upper left is a reminder that I need to get back to yoga...and just stretch in general. Because I have some ouchies.

I went to a massage therapist on Sunday and she gave me a nice torture session. Basically I have tight IT bands, a knotty piriaformis, tight achilles, tight shoulders. Just tight, tight, tight. I am tensing up just writing this. So, I will go back to my gym and get all namaste. Tomorrow!

I have officially completed 4 weeks on weight watchers and am 8.4 pounds down. The tricky thing for me was nutrtion while working out. I did a 50 mile bike ride on Saturday and discovered that 6 whole wheat fig newtons, a ziplock bag of apple chips, two waters and half a diet coke can get me through 50 miles. I recovered with a no sugar added carnation instant breakfast and a banana. This is HUGE progress for me because my bad habit was having a big old food party after a long workout because , hey, I EARNED it.

I am also two for two on not missing a Thursday morning Mermaid workout. Again, this is huge for me because I hate waking up before 6 AND I really need to work my core.

Biking is going well-ish. My 50 miler felt ok. I felt better on the big hill than I have in awhile, but 50 miles still feels like a long way to bike. And it is crazy to think that before I know it, a 50 miler will be a short ride.

Just Because Your Plate is Full, Doesn't Mean You Have to Eat it All

The title of this post is fitting for me for two reasons.

The most obvious reason is this whole Weight Watchers thing. I spent this past weekend in San Diego because Mermaids had a race there. It was a fun weekend, though I did have the challenge of eating out for most of the time. It is doable, and I can enjoy the food without devouring the WHOLE plate. I mean, seriously, restaurant portions can be out of control.

The other reason is I think I may have overextended myself. I am really getting into the swing of things with training, have a busy work schedule, and am planning a trip in March. I also signed up for my favorite Improv class again, but realized when I got home from San Diego yesterday that I was officially spent. I made the decision to not continue with it this round. Maybe once Death Ride stuff is over I will have less items on my plate.

This was a tough decision for me, because I LOOOVE the improv and I always want to do EVERYTHING. But, I also know where my priorities are right now.

My race on Saturday was ok. On the slow slide, but I am not in run mode right now. I am in, "Let's use running as cross training."

Starting on week 4 of Weight Watchers. Noticing a little bit of a difference. I was able to zip up a pair of shorts from a few years ago, though they are giving me a reverse muffin top so not quite ready. Hopefully by summer.

Mini Victories

RESULTS!
IMMEDIATE GRATIFICATION!
NOW!
GO BIG OR GO HOME!

Sometimes I get stuck in this mindset: I decide to do something, and I want it happen ASAP. Be it signing up for a 1/2 marathon and hoping for a sub 2 hour time, or wanting to lose X amount of pounds. There is a lot of time, hardwork and dedication involves in those things, but I want it NOW.

Which is not the best way to look at the world, right?

I signed up for this Death Ride thing knowing that I need to put the time in and there will be a lot of steps to get to the point of doing this event in 6 months. Time on bike. Core. Cross training. Rest days. Hill repeats. Balancing the rest of my life and sanity.

So, I am really focusing on the RIGHT NOW and the mini victories.

Saturday was DEFINITELY a mini victory kind of day. A couple friends and I planned a bike ride in Pleasanton. My friend Gina sent us the route the day before, and I (of course) kind of glazed over it. We started our ride at 7:20ish am. The route caught part of the Cinderella ride I will be doing in March. Gina said there would be a couple climbs--most significantly a 7% grade. We hit the first hill and that felt great. Then we hit a stop sign and Gina said we were to go right. Then it dawned on me.
"Are we doing the Challenge hill?"
Gina said, "I think so."

Hmmm...the "challenge" hill is an option for the cinderella ride if you want to add mileage and hills. I did the Challenge two years ago. It was HARD. I signed up for the Challenge this year and was already having anxiety about climbing it at the end of March. And now, we are doing it today? Whoa.

So, I did it...and I think it felt better than 2 years ago! And it's early February! Mini victory----time on the bike trainer, having quality workouts is actually working! Who woulda thunk it?

Another mini victory? Having breakfast after this 50 mile bike ride and not eating my weight in pancakes,eggs, toast, hashbrowns....fill in the carb here. Sometimes I get in the mindset of "Well, I deserve this big old plate of food because I ran/biked/swam/took out the garbage."

Another mini victory? Weigh in was last night. Down 2.6 pounds...Less Jill Up the Hill is on track.

The last mini victory is I finally used my bikram groupon yesterday! Mystery of bikram is dispelled. Not sure it is for me---I kinda prefer the more warm fuzzy gentle yoga and all the sweat in the room was kinda gross.

But I didn't feel like I got hit by a truck this morning, which is ALWAYS a mini victory.

WHOA NELLY!

Um, did my 2012 events just, like, double in size in the blink of an eye?

Um, am I addicted to Active.com?

Um, have I not learned ANYTHING from the past three years?

The answer to these questions is yes, yes, no.

While I did register for quite a few events, these events are ALL training related for Death Ride. Century rides are great for my training because I get the mileage and elevation (for the most part) and they are supported so I can refuel at rest stops.

The triathlon in June? What can I say, old habits die hard.

So the training...it's going. Right now it is all about getting back in the saddle. Hubby bought this way futuristic computer bike trainer thingy (don't you just love how techy I sound). I finally tried it last Sunday. It is crazy. The trainer is connected to a computer and you can download routes from the computer and from rides you did outside with your GPS. The first time I watched Hubby do it he downloaded a route from a ride in Italy. Not only did it mimic the ascent and descent of the ride, the screen (we have it hooked up to our TV) shows a simulation of the route so you are riding with cars and going past the ocean. I was yelling at him, "Watch out for that pedestrian! Don't go over that cliff!"

Anyways, for my first ride I did a 12 mile route from a ride my husband did in the real outdoors: from our house to Mt. Eden. It was pretty cool because the screen showed where you were riding in Google maps. It was pretty close to the route except I think the GPS got confused at intersections because the trainer went on a major incline at some intersections. Like, 10%! I got a lit bored looking at the google maps, so switched over to The Devil Wears Prada. The downside to that is the hills are a bit of a surprise.

I tried to do it again today on my lunchtime ride, and forgot all the instructions hubby gave me. The trainer is a Dutch product and is not super user friendly (especially for a non-techy like me!). Finally I gave up and just got on and did my usual interval workout. (side note: hubby just came home and I told him my issues. He said, "Maybe because you were using the keyboard that controls TIVO. Not the keyboard hooked up to the computer hooked up to the trainer." Seriously? Two keyboards? I think he makes things super technical and difficult to mess with my head. Can't there just be ONE button that works WHEN I want it?)

I am also trying to figure out how to mix in swimming and running with all this biking because I think the cross training will be good for my sanity and overall fitness. Which means it is good timing because Team Mermaid is starting its season on Tuesday. I am pretty excited because I am ready for Coach Heidi to be the boss of me and help me on my way to fitness breakthroughs.

Operation Less Jill Up the Hill is going pretty well. I am down two pounds my first week and --more importantly--am really diligent about writing down food consumed. Hubby and I are still on our angry rant about fast food commercials. There was a commercial for Carls Jr's "healthy" turkey burger. Hubby asked me how many points are in that so I looked it up---it would be almost half my points for a day! WHOA NELLY! That is so "healthy" Carl's jr.

The one thing that is a challenge is work. Our volunteers are ALWAYS baking in the house (which is super awesome for the clients we serve), but on the days when I have my laptop set up in the dining room it can be super tough with the smells of brownies wafting in. Here is a conversation I had with one of my volunteers this week:
Volunteer: I am making my Dangerous Dessert?
Me: Dangerous Dessert?
Volunteer: Yup. Its an apple spice cake. And then I poked holes in it. And then I poured caramel sauce over it.
Me: WHOA
Volunteer: and once the caramel sauce soaked into the cake I frosted it with cream cheese frosting.
me: WHOA
Volunteer: and then I topped it with pecans.
Me: WHOA NELLY!

Fortunately, I have had the willpower to be dessert free at work for the past two weeks. Which is pretty amazing considering we have things like Dangerous Desserts lying around.

Are you happy now, Jennifer Hudson?

I am sick, sick, sick, sick. Isn't that just the Murphy's Law of event training? I had a good solid two weeks of working out, using my bike trainer, and even actually paying attention to my heart rate monitor and then last Wednesday morning I was all ACHOO! And I was down for the count.

But I won't whine. Feeling betterish now and, in reality, it is only 5 days of being out of the game. Death Ride is in 6 months. It's all good.

The bigger thing right now is this nutrition thing. I NEED to figure it out. Especially with these long rides that are coming up because I don't want to fall into old habits of having a crazy calorie laden meal and justifying it with a 4 hour bike ride. I flirted with the idea of going paleo, but I knew that realistically the militant rules of paleo would not work for me. A couple weeks ago I was flipping through my magazines and I kept seeing that darn Jennifer Hudson ad for Weight Watchers. After the third spotting of Jennifer in an US weekly, I took it as a sign. I had done WW before and it worked. It worked because I dedicated myself to it. And dedication and awareness to what I eat is definitely what I need to do NOW. Are you happy now, Jennifer Hudson?

So, last Monday I went to my first meeting. That scale...it was not good. The great thing about WW is there is no judgement. I was bracing myself for a "tsk tsk Jill, how did you let THAT happen?" Thankfully they didn't do that. The voices in my head did a little...but I tried to ignore them...

At the meeting the leader asked why I was joining again. I told her that I signed up for a crazy bike ride with crazy hills and I wanted less Jill going up the hills. I think that is my new mantra: LESS JILL UP THE HILL. I am actually pretty excited because the less extra weight I am carrying, the faster and more efficient I may be as a cyclist. This could be THE year where I have a cycling breakthrough.

It was bad timing that I got sick my first week of WW. I opted not to have my preferred snack choice when I am sick (sour patch kids) and dutifully stayed within my daily points range and tried to not be all Debbie Downer because I didn't have the energy to workout.

So, I am one week of doing WW. It's always mind blowing when you start tracking what you eat. I am sure there have been time where I ate all my points in one meal (or one trip to the movies!). It is also helpful that hubby has been watching what he eats as well. He is down 15 pounds because he got a head start on me (JERK! hee hee). It's pretty funny when fast food commercials come on because we both start yelling at the TV ("Curse you McDonald's! Nobody Should be eating that! Nobody!"). Seriously, have you SEEN that Sonic commercial? There is one item that is a bowl of tater tots covered in chili and cheese. SERIOUSLY?

Fortunately there aren't any Sonic's near me...

Thank you Team Mermaid.

I am going to try to keep this one short...and (bitter)sweet.

A big chunk of this blog focuses on this amazing team I am going on my 5th(!) year of being a member: Team Mermaid. And I found it by accident! I had signed up for a 1/2 ironman triathloan and googled "triathlon training san jose Barb's race" and found out about an info night for some group called Team Mermaid. I went to that first meeting just wanting to help me with training for ONE race. And here I am, 4 years later, still inspired by these amazing women who work hard, play hard, and laugh HARDER. Every single woman on this team has drive, spirit, and a good heart. And we all are rallied on by our leader the amazing coach Heidi.

Today a bunch of us from the team met in Capitola for an open water swim...wait, what? A swim? In January? What the heck? But this wasn't any ordinary ocean swim...

Two weeks ago we lost a dear friend and mermaid teammate, Melissa, to ovarian cancer. I am still in shock. She was one of the first on the team, an amazing, funny, smart person and a totally awesome swimmer. We decided as a team to do a memorial swim for her today. We met at some benches at Capitola beach, pulled on our wetsuits, and headed out to the water. It was cold. It was choppy. But we were determined. This was something bigger than us. We didn't go out very far, and we all stopped and Coach Heidi (who was on a surfboard ) said some amazing things about Melissa and passed out carnations for us. A couple other people told some stories and on the count of three we shouted out "Mermaid Melissa!" and threw our carnations out to sea.

And then we were silent.

We stared out at the carnations lapping in the water. Some coming back to us. Some going far out. It was an overcast day with some drizzling rain, the sun barely poking out. I watched the carnations drifting and was taken by the contrast surrounding me: the water may be cold and choppy, but gazing at the neverending sea is so soothing. The softness of the carnations brushing up against seaweed. The heavy silence in the air of our reflections and mourning, mixed with the tranquil sound of waves.

I miss you Melissa. WE miss you Melissa. I am thankful for all the memories I have because we shared some laughs! Seriously, if you can't find laughter while cranking your way through 60 miles on a bike ride, you are doing it wrong. :)

I am thankful to be part of this amazing team, where we take risks continously and encourage one another on. Where we barely bat an eye jumping in the ocean in winter (OK, so we may have shrieked a little, but we still were pretty hardcore!).

Thank you Team Mermaid. You have helped me become the person I am today, and inspire me to grow into the person I will be tomorrow.

The Problem with Pink...

It's 2012 and we still have issues like this. Luckily there is hope for the future with outspoken girls like Riley leading the next wave of feminism.

So, let me start with the LEGO thing. It's kinda messed up, right? One image I saw was a LEGO girl lounging in a pastel pool playset. I guess they have cupcake stores as well. Does LEGO think little girls have aspirations of being real housewives of sugar daddies (pool boy and botox kit sold separately). And cupcake bakeries? Seriously LEGO? Cupcakes are totally 2010. It's all about doughnts now. Or whoopie pies. Get with the times...

In December I was at Barnes and Noble and saw a book called: Princess Recovery: A Parent's Guide to Raising a Daughter Who Can Create Her Own Happily Ever After. Has anyone else noticed how crazy the princess phenomenon is? Seriously, at Halloween I think every single trick or treating girls was some variation of a Disney Princess.

And the really embarassing thing? I LOOOVE all the princess stuff. I love dresses. My bike is pink! I wear sparkle skirts to races. I got excited that Splash was on TV last week. Oh...and don't get me started on The Real Housewives. Oh, and my triathlete nickname is Diva.

WWGSD? (What Would Gloria Steinem Do?)

I have no idea.

There is something weird going on with pop culture right now because there is a lot of cattiness between women (see Top Model, Real Housewives, The Bachelor). Wouldn't it be refreshing if there was a reality show about a group of REAL friends who REALLY liked each other and didn't throw tables at each other AND supported each other in their lives? And wouldn't it be REALLY refreshing if people actually WATCHED the show and it didn't get cancelled after two seasons. Uh, BRAVO, are you taking notes on this?

I would love to tell you that I am going to quit cold turkey watching these shows. But. They. Are. So. Awesome. And I am an adult. I can watch what I want and separate reality from the (hardly) reality TV.

I wish I had something inspirational to say and I could quote a Whitney Houston song (I believe the children are our future...). Perhaps the take-away message is awareness. We need to be aware of the messages we send kids AND the images they are exposed to. So maybe the next time I play Barbies with my niece instead of pretending they are going to a fashion show, maybe they are business partners launching their Etsy store. Or, say my niece gets that LEGO poop party atrocity-- I could say, "Yea! the LEGO girls just finished a triathlon and now they are going to jump in the pool for a recovery ice bath. What was their average heart rate for the race?"

It's a start...

Ch-Ch-Chia!

I did a wee bit of updating on my blog...most notably added all events I will be doing until the Death Ride. It was actually longer than what is posted there. I started getting a little panicky as I added the events and am a little iffy on the non cycling events. What the heck have I gotten myself into? I talked myself out of a couple events. Which, shows some level of growth and maturity on my part, right?

I found a training plan for the Death Ride that is 18 weeks long. As I was scanning it on my laptop I must have had a funny look because hubby said, "What's wrong?"

"Well," I said, "I am reading this training plan...and it just seems weird."
"Why?" He asked.
"Well, it's 18 weeks long. And it has a ride every day. Like, EVERY day."
"And?" He asked.
"Well, that's, like, a lot of riding, right?"
"Let me see that," he said as he grabbed the laptop.

I could feel my palms get all clammy and sweaty. Being on the bike? Every day? 18 weeks? The more I tried to wrap my mind around it the more I felt like my head was going to explode.

He handed me back the laptop, "Seems about right."

"What?! Every day seems crazy. What about rest days?"
"You do have rest days. Those are called 'easy rides'."
I gave him a "whatcha talkin about Willis?" face.
To which he responded, "YOU are the one who signed up for this crazy event."

I read the training plan a little more in depth. The rest days ranged from 0-20 miles, so theoretically I don't have to ride EVERY day. Phew. And the plan doesn't start until I get back from Maui in March. Phew. So I have about 2 months to get my act together.

And my current act? It ain't pretty.

The good news is--I have been on my bike. I did a 40 mile ride last week, and have done a couple short rides and some trainer sessions. I did the bike trainer last night for 50 minutes while watching season 1 of Alias. It. Was. Torture. I am going to trainer again tonight. But with a heart rate monitor so there is less cheating involved.

My running has slowed down a lot. I met some friends for a track workout on Tuesday night. It. Was. Torture. Everything felt tight and flabby---which seems like a contradiction. It was cold and dark and felt so against nature on what we are supposed to do in the winter. But I did it.

The plan until the plan starts is to increase my long bike rides each week by 5 miles. I will start this Sunday with 40. I also really really need to figure out this core thing. Oh, and use my bikram yoga groupon before it expires in March.

I tried this energy drink yesterday that I really like. It had chia seeds and cocounut water in it which are supposed to be great for something. Not sure what. Growing plant hair? Like a Chia pet? So, I think I mat buy the powder (it was a sample I got from a race) and try that on long rides since I am getting a little weirded out by the vibrant colors of gatorade. I think I am also going to look into making my own energy bars.

Hmmm...bikram yoga...chia seeds...homemade energy bars. Should I grow dreadlocks now too?